lost somewhere between gravity and the stars

Hair

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 18:55:28 GMT

Every once in awhile in high school I got restless with my hair, but never quite restless enough to change anything about it. I liked it long, I liked my bangs. Sara often asked me whether or not my own mother had ever seen my forehead. Then I met Amrita and the first major hairstyle change (angled bangs) took place. Well, as you well now, the time came and struck and I chopped it all off in January. Now it's about to cross my shoulders, and I can't wait for the day when it's long and feminine once again. Despite that, I am ALREADY itching for a way to change it AGAIN.

So what would d'you think about a return to Xena bangs?

For the fifth or sixth time in my journal, I will again say: It is MY RIGHT to devote an entry solely to my hair~!!

Not for long, of course. Every once in awhile, my bangs get way too long, like this:

(Also sometimes I think me and Zach look alike in a really weird way.) BUT, that gets really annoying so I always get them cut shorter in the same style. So what I'm proposing is: I cut them in Xena bangs style and then let them grow out. Cuz I dunno... I kinda miss it.

How's that for a walk down memory lane? On another note, this is the stupid shit I start thinking about when I have nothing better to do. I spend ridiculous amounts of time poring over old photos like this and thinking about things that on a normal day I should not have time to care about.

While on this subject, though, when Zach and I first met he said: "I am soooo glad you changed your bangs." Then he told me that I look like a little kid with them. Well, Zach, if you still feel that way I love you but you can suck it because it's only one haircut and I think it'll be fun.

I posted this because it's from 1) when I had Xena bangs and 2) When I wrote an entry about something equally as ridiculous: whether or not I should wear glasses or contacts to go meet Chris at IHOP.

I have too much time on my hands. I need to get out more.

And the moment you've been waiting three years for.

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 13:27:29 GMT

So, rejections have started pouring in. By 'pouring' I mean three schools that were honest enough to send me the rejection pre-secondary, saving me probably $200 collectively. The unfortunate part in all of this is that one of those schools was one that I had very high hopes for, considering they had low requirements and they were situated right here in NY. That's the one that sent me a downright mean letter.

I knew this was going to happen- I mean, I fully didn't expect to get in anywhere this year. I didn't think, though, that a school would send anything beyond the generic bullshit letter and actually be cruel to an applicant. For the past few days I just haven't had the heart to fill out secondaries at all.

Yesterday I mentioned to my mom that I have to figure out something to do for the year after senior year if I don't get in this year. Her answer was "Why don't you go to medical school?"

She expects me to go to the Caribbean or Europe right now! She's always said that she would support me through my SECOND application cycle. That means the one AFTER this one. Right now I'm obviously applying for class of 2011; next time I would be applying for 2012 which would mean I would need something to do for 2011. I told her I was planning on getting a Masters that year and she shut me out. For some reason, she thought that second application meant that I would apply again for the SAME app. year and magically get into the Caribbean. Not to mention I've been telling her ALL YEAR that I don't want to go to the Caribbean, or to Europe.

She then goes into how I'll be old by the time the year is over, I'll have wasted my life, and everything will be pointless. She made a good point in saying "How do you know you'll even get in after a Masters?" But that was her only good point. As far as I can see, anyway.

Her new thing is she wants me to go to medical school so she knows that I'll be settled after four years and therefore, she'll be free- I assume from the stress of having a child. I don't understand why she feels that Europe and the Caribbean is the magical solution to everything. So many people come back from the Caribbean and are 30 before they begin a residency. And if I haven't done well enough to get accepted into medical schools now, how can she be so naive as to think that I'll amazingly get the best scores and get into a residency in the Caribbean?

My mom tells me that I'll have to support myself if, after this year, I want to do anything but medicine OR do anything instead of go to the Caribbean. She also mentions that I'll have been a disappointment to her, she knows I'll never be happy in life, and if I was going to be such a horror, she wishes I had never been born. Usually she says these things in anger; this time she didn't. It makes it hard to be angry because she was just honest. Instead I feel depressed. I was so stupid to apply this cycle. But my mom wouldn't hear of anything else. I was so freaking stupid. What did I think was going to happen? Exactly this, but I didn't account on my moms reaction, since she's ALWAYS said "Twice." Now that I've started I feel I should- I have to- finish at least SOME of the secondaries coming in.

I've been depressed the past few days anyway because of that horrible letter. Now I just feel worse. I'm going through suicide ideation (I think it's funny how I can identify that. Of course, anyone with a high school psych class could, but I also mentally went through the Response lethality assessment to see how severe it is. Of course it's not serious at all, but it's still there) and more than anything I want to crawl into bed and not come out.

It's not so much the threats my mom are giving me that are so sad. She's one of the biggest components of my life and to seriously lose her- not in anger, but in rational discussion- is like having the floor fall out from under me. Her and Zach are my biggest supports. And it's not that Zach isn't sympathetic because he is- how could he not be? But he's so tired too. Even though we're living under the same roof he didn't get home till 8 last night and he had to go straight to work on his own things. I feel like I never see him. We got ten minutes together, tops, and I was talking about this and he was falling asleep. And it's not that he isn't supportive, it's just that he usually doesn't say anything at all or avoids me. Or does this:
OnceUponASynapse: i think im actually leaning towards clinical depression
OnceUponASynapse: i think if i dont already have it im going to get there very soon.
ledflyd: :-(
ledflyd: my parents found my homebrew

I feel like I'm being crushed; I feel so heavy and confused. I don't know what to do. I should probably take the MCAT again in November, even though the thought of it makes me physically sick. I can't help but feel alone, because I'm stuck in this house all day and the last thing I want to do is go out.

This on top of the past few weeks with Amma, and on top of all the exhaustion I had already. I want to die.

As it is I'll probably go crawl back into bed, pull the sheet over my head, and give in to being depressed.

I guess when you go through things like this, you go through them alone in the end anyway.

I'm publishing this so I remember even though there are other things on my mind

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 18:13:52 GMT

So when we got into Paris, Abbey was grumpy. I will here add, for the sake of having a true account, that Abbey was grumpy for a large part of the whole trip. She wouldn't really eat much and sometimes she would ignore us for a reason we couldn't really understand. She said she got anxious with all the change and the very first day in Amsterdam she asked me if I was excited to be going home soon- not exactly the way I wanted to think of my two weeks in Europe! She kept talking about her flight and how anxious she was about it, which was another thing I couldn't really understand. Sometimes it got really unpleasant.

I found out about myself on this trip that I am the Bilbo Baggins until someone else is. I didn't WANNA spend a night with the Masai, but I never considered not doing it. The difference is that everyone else was excited about it, and I just went along. However, once someone acts like they don't appreciate what they're getting, and once they look even the slightest bit unhappy in whatever amazing place we are in, I immediately snap into the girl who goes skydiving; the girl who takes risks; the girl who never wants to stop and take a breather and the girl who doesn't CARE what happens because she's in a beautiful different country and what could possibly go wrong?

Anyway, our train got in early, so we locked up our luggage and walked around. We ate our first Parisian croissants, waddled around for awhile and stumbled incidentally upon Little India. It was a huge lane of stores selling sari after sari, jalebi after samosa and so many Indian things. I knew we had started Paris off right.

Then the Alspektors picked us up. I still was kind of nervous about having to stay in someone else's house, especially since Abbey kept saying things like "I just want to stay in with the Alspektors," and "I'm just going to be hanging out with the Alspektors." I wanted to see Dr. P. We got to their house, though, which was an apartment just outside Paris and we could see the Eiffel tower from the window. (Boy did I squeal.) Francois, the mother, welcomed us with open arms. She gave us the boys rooms (later on we found out that one brother was sleeping on a mattress in the laundry room) and our own shower and helped us plan for the day. She said specifically that if we wanted to do our own thing, that was fine, and if we wanted the boys to come with us, that was fine too, and we got the house keys and a train schedule and she warned us to be home by the last train. It was the most laid-back, familial, loving environment you could imagine. And I'm not even related to them!

They asked us if we had any special dietary restrictions and I said "We're vegetarians." If you haven't seen a French person react to that statement you can't even imagine how hilarious it was.
"Vegetarians? ACH! OH NO!!"

Apparently there are no veggies in France.

So one of the brothers took the train with us to the Arc du Triomphe the first day. Then we met my pops, who I knocked over with a huge hug, and we all walked down the most romantic boulevard in the world; the Champs-Elysees. Dr. P fell in love with Paris and couldn't stop talking about how amazing it was. Then he took us out to eat and I fell in love with Paris even more. We stopped by the Bastille, of which there is nothing left, and walked around a little. Then we went home and fell fast asleep with the promise that the next day, the Alspektors would show us their country house and buy us fresh baked bread.

They did. They showed us all the churches in that neighborhood, one of which is crooked.Then they brought us to their gorgeous and gigantic country house, which it would seem that Francois inherited, and took us on a walk around the estate. Then we ate smelly French cheese that I'm having a hard time figuring out how to live without, and had some mint tea. And Pierre-yves set off some fireworks while his mom was going "No, no, no!!" and his dad was going "Do it! Do it!" in honor of the fourth of July for us.

Later on, we met Dr. P at the Eiffel Tower. I was frantically in search of the 'black fence' that everyone else takes their Eiffel pictures in front of. We couldn't find it and in the end I wasn't even sure it existed, but we found a MUCH better place behind the fountain and on the second set of stairs. I like it better than the stupid black fence anyway.

The Alspektors, being incredibly kind, had Dr. P over for dinner and he had a blast. I think they really liked him. AND WE WENT TO VERSAILLES!! It was AWESOME, and huge, and Zach says he's going to buy it for me and now I'm holding him to it. So freaking beautiful. I really thought it was hilarious how Louis, the supposed Sun King, had a million portraits lying around. Not only that, but he had portraits of women carrying around a framed portrait of him. I loved it.

Later on, we ate lunch at home and then Tim took us to Sacre-Couer and Montmarte where we saw the location of Amelie's filming. Then, me Zach and Abbey offered to make dinner and we were buying ingredients at the grocery store:
Abbey: Is this the largest can of tomato sauce you guys have? In America, you can buy one like THIS BIG-
Tim: [imagine French accent]: You guys are soooo fat.

Other adventures include: climbing FREAKING NOTRE DAME, visiting the House of Victor Hugo and having it be closed :(, stumbling into the Jardin des Tuileries and having a whipped cream fight with Zach, and eating delicious. delicious. food and crepes. When we finally made it to the House of Victor Hugo, I got more teary eyed at the portraits depicting scenes from books I had read than I did at any other type of art.

Other than that, you should've seen Zach at the Louvre and Orsay. I think he could have spent a full week there.

I adored each of the cousins in Paris because they spent so much time with us and they were so much fun to hang out with. Tim especially was always snapping pictures and I love posing and I love snapping so- couldn't go wrong.

On our last night, their parents took us out to eat (and I might add, they paid. for. everything while we were there. Not only did they totally welcome us into their home, they treated us like kings and queens. So unnecessary but so kind!) with Francois' parents. She took us out for Indian food because they had vegetarian stuff there and wrote on the table for her somewhat senile father: 'Abbey-girl. Zac- boy. Rouxie- Girl.' And drew a heart between me and Zach. I LOVE THE WAY SHE SPELLED MY NAME SO FRENCH.

During dinner, her father referred to Zach as my brother and Francois said "No, no, no, no!!"

Then we asked Tim if he could take us out for our last night. He took us out with his friend Aziz and we went to this place shaped like a cave with sand in it. I was able to collect Paris sand, despite Tim's valiant protests of "EWWW, people STEP on it and it's DIRTY" etc etc.

Then we went home and slept briefly becuase we wanted to wake up and say goodbye to Francois since she had to go to work. Tim took us to a mall because I said my one pet peeve with Paris was that I hadn't bought any clothes.

Then he dropped us off at the train station and said "See you in NY!" because he as well as his brother and sister were coming to NY for two weeks.

We went to a Hindu temple after locking up our stuff and then to La Villete, where we went to a science museum. We got back to the train station later and didn't want to go to the platform yet because we didn't want to be hanging around with nothing to do.

When we opened the locker our stuff was in, twenty minutes before the train that we had to be on, our luggage was gone. After a lot of yelling and a lot of irritating the people there, we found that it had been locked into a back room for a reason unknown to us. It was interesting, because Zach freaked out and Ab and I were able to handle it. I wouldn't have left my stuff, but Abbey would have and with only 20 minutes to our train it would have been rough. Luckily, we got on the train, but I liked the crisis because it was an adventure.

When we got to Amsterdam, we walked around the Red Light District for like four hours before taking the train back to the airport and trying to sleep. It was a terribly long day before the flight since we didn't book a hostel- seemed silly for one night- and then my flight was delayed, but it was fine because I got some extra time in the Dublin airport where I transferred. On the way to Dublin, though, I fell asleep even before takeoff. I'm usually awake for it because I love it but this time I was just gone.

Amsterdam

Hilarious

When we took this Zach was focusing too much on us and I said "Zach, BACK UP, you have to get the whole shoe in!" and Abbey said "Yeah, because otherwise, it's STUPID!"

This is exactly how I want to live my life

ahahahha

COOL

Standing in front of the enormous "IAmsterdam". Unfortunately there's no way to get the whole sign in.

Lots of cheese

Georgie eating a special brownie
Belgium
Um, I love Belgium because...

On the list of things I could get used to: fresh strawberry skewers being dipped into a fountain of flowing chocolate right before my eyes. Of course, with my choice of three different chocolates.

The Manequin Pis

Old friends sat on their park bench like bookends

Zach's funny beer glass

This place boasted the best Belgian waffles, and I have to say that they were right.

I love little European alleys like this

I NEED THESE

PARIS. PARIS. PARIS. PARIS. PARIS.

Tim is so French

Out the last night with the g-parents
I want to add that Tim's grandfather said something that Tim was reluctant to translate. He finally did, though. It was: "You have two beautiful girls with you. You must feed them in more than one way."

Want to walk down the Champs-Elysse with us?

Delicious, delicious food

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Weird, but delicious

And..

Zach drools!!! No, serious.

Paradise by the dashboard lights

Wouldn't be Paris without...

Could also get used to delicious asparagus and goat cheese stuffed crepes in front of the Pantheon.

Welcome to the French countryside

Eiffel TOWER BABY

I don't really feel like uploading any more. So blah blah blah. :P Back to real life, it is, or was, two weeks ago.

this entry is at least a week too late but it starts three and a half weeks ago. >100 pictures btw.

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:30:46 GMT

When we drove back into Maji ya Chai, straight off of safari, unshowered and tired and dirty, it felt like coming home. Everyone we had grown to know and love was waiting for our cars to pull in, and I thought "I could stay here another week, because this feels so good." Especially after a shower (which was, although it was a tiny, freezing cold stream of water in a mildewy bathroom, the best shower of my life) all of us rejoined back in the Red Onion, playing with kids, and I thought "Why would I ever leave Tanzania?"

By that night, though, the novelty wore off, and I couldn't stop thinking "Okay, plane time now. Okay, ZACH TIME NOW!" The next day went so slow, and finally, we got on the airplane. I still cried as we left. Who wouldn't? They baked us a cake at the end, sang and danced for us, and the kids all said "Asante" to us. But I was finally on my way to Zach. Yay!

The plane ride went quickly. I think I managed to sleep for some of it, watch a movie for some, and listen to a book for some of it (yay for audiobooks on planes!) But when I got off the plane, and I heard that Zachs' plane had landed, I was so excited. I went with my friends to the basement, put all our stuff in lockers, waited around for them anxiously, and then gave up and dashed towards Zachs gate.

IT WAS SO EXCITING TO SEE HIM AGAIN. It felt so romantic to be reuniting in an airport. We had 2 weeks left in Europe and I was so thrilled to see him and his sister. Anyway, then we headed off to search for our hostel, which was three minutes away from Central Station (so we thought.) We asked a few people directions; somehow, they were the only people we met our entire time in Amsterdam who didn't speak English. We walked around for- must have been- an hour with all our stuff in the heat. Zach and Abbey were getting irritated. We finally found it and it was just three minutes from the station, we had just walked in completely the wrong direction. But we got into our hostel, and there were stairs leading up. Narrow, long, winding stairs (which we got quite used to in Amdam). But once we got up, we didn't know how to get to reception because the hostel was two weirdly shaped buildings that somehow connected. When we finally found reception, we weren't allowed to check in, so we had to leave our luggage in a luggage room which we had to take a lift to. A lift that was barely capable of holding each of us and was stuffed to the brim with each of us as well as our luggage. It got stuck.

Zach and Abbey were freaking out, but honestly, (I felt bad) I couldn't stop laughing. It just didn't bother me anymore. There were these three stoned guys outside who were laughing too, and they said they were going to get help from reception, but who knows if they would have. Somehow we got out, and locked up our luggage in the luggage room- which was nothing more than a storage closet.

Then we left and I had a falafel, my first food that wasn't potatoes and rice and the occasional chappati in over a month. I was crying with joy. I was, however, uncertain about the hostel. Especially considering that I hadn't had a good shower in some time and I hadn't seen a bathroom in the rooms and I didn't want to share with a bunch of druggies. So I suggested checking into another hotel. We found one, and I went upstairs and managed to bargain with the lady "PLEASE, I've spent a week peeing on flies without a shower and I can't afford 60 euro a night!!" from 60 euro a night per person to 35. The room was so tiny, but it was cozy. And although it was the smallest of beds, Zach and I still managed to fit onto one (sometimes). And that shower was the second best shower I've ever had, despite the fact that the drain was on the floor without a separator so the whole bathroom flooded. We went out later and went to the Anne Frank House, a flower museum, and then we finally made our way to a coffee shop. I got a brownie, and Zach got Space Cake. The thing with brownies is that you don't feel it hit you at the moment, so you just keep eating- or at least I do. We left and walked around a little more, and Zach got a beer at a bar and mentioned how it was just starting to hit him. As I complained that it hadn't hit me yet, it did, and I suddenly felt completely out of control.

"We have to go, babe."
"Now?" all Zach could do was gaze mournfully at his unfinished beer.
"Soon!" I managed to spit that out before I couldn't say words anymore.

All I remember is a jointed, discombobulated walk back to the hotel where I had to force myself to walk and hating the sound of my own voice. I felt so out of control that when we got back to the room, despite that I had planned to meet my friends at the Red Light District at 8, I let myself pass out because I was in no shape to do much of anything. That is the last brownie I will ever eat. Well, special brownie, obviously.

The next day we did more Amsterdam-y things, also finally saw the Red Light District. It was exactly what people say it is, only not all the prostitutes are that pretty. Other than that, we did the Van Gogh museum, ate cheese, went on a boat tour, did touristy stuff. Then it was time for Belgium.

Brussels was Zachs idea, obviously, because of beer. But with the promise of chocolate and waffles, I didn't mind- and here I must mention that especially after a month in Africa, I always had to have food in my hand. I usually think of going to Europe as a time to eat and shop and chill, but this time more so than ever. I always had to have a waffle, or a piece of cheese, or a croissant, and I really didn't care how annoying I got.

Luckily our hotel in Belgium was incredible. I loved it. It was so spacious and clean and our bed was so big and the bathroom had a drain. It was pure luxury. When we walked around even on the first day, we passed this fountain of a peeing boy that tons of people were taking pictures in front of. We couldn't figure out his significance for the life of us, and we even saw souvenier shops stocked with this child. It kind of grossed me out, until Melissa (Zach and Abbey's mommy) texted and said "Make sure you take a picture of the Manekin Pis."

It's the symbol that represents the country. No, seriously.

Belgium is such a blur of walking a lot, eating so much chocolate, delicious Belgian waffles, and watching Zach giddily drink beer. Also a lot of cake. The emo livejournal entry came from me and Zachs first (and last) but huge fight of the trip. We were staying with his cousins in Paris, and Dr. Palmer was going to be in Paris too because he wanted to see me and make sure I was still stable after Africa. I wanted to spend time with him but he wasn't sure what the living arrangements would be with his cousins and I wanted to get my own hotel and have the option of doing my own thing, if that was the case. To which he flipped out that this was supposed to be our trip, and I flipped out that he should be more understanding that I want to see my father and not be trapped and it was only because of me that he was on this trip anyway and I had spent the past week waddling to various beer stores, synagogues and what have you. Anyway, it was all very awkward with Abbey in the room, and I eventually just left to get a breather. We didn't resolve anything, but it turned out okay in the end.

I loved Belgium. I thought it was a relaxed and laid back city, and I loved how everyone sat on the floor by le grand place after hours. I love waffles and I'm biased against all others now.

As we were gearing up to get on the train to Paris, Abbey noticed that the Eurail tickets we had required that we make reservations for each of the countries we were going to. We hadn't done that, but I wasn't worried at all. I was sure it happened all the time. Regardless, we showed up the next morning at 5 A.M to make reservations to Marseille and Nice and for Paris later that same day. (Marseille was my idea because I really wanted to see the Chateau D'If. I can be disgustingly honest with you, that was my main motivation in going to France. To see the prison where a fictional character was housed.) Unfortunately, the Eurail people were jerks and their website has completely incomplete information. There were no reservations available for Marseille or Nice, so that part of our trip was out :( I was kind of heartbroken but I didn't let it show because Zach was freaking out. EVERYTHING was booked. At one point I said "Is there ANY other country we can travel to??" There wasn't; we had to pay full fare to get to Paris and back to Amsterdam. Zach's mom, though, being awesome, was able to get the Eurail money back.

Anyway, Paris is a long story in and of itself and I won't add more to an entry already long enough. Except with PICTURES FROM TANZANIAAAA!!

I fell asleep like this on the way to Kilimanjaro and everyone thought it was hilarious

Seeing Kilimanjaro off in the distance like this reminded me of the first time Bilbo saw the Lonely Mountain.

I used photo ops as a way to stall for time when I was too tired and needed to catch my breath.

Finally at the top; or at least as high as we were going to go. I think I wrote about how sore I was afterward. I still don't understand why in the world people climb mountains for fun. Except of course that I just did it. But still! I wouldn't do it AGAIN.

The roof of Arusha hotel, where everyone hung out late at night.

Sleeping in Africa!

View from my hotel window.

The next pictures are from the trip to the Masai and they might be kind of sad for some people, so skip over them if you want.

I wrote earlier about the dog whose tail has naturally formed into dreads? This is her! Meet Blackie.

Q: Why did the baboons cross the road?
A: They freaking didn't. They held up the car for ten minutes.

"It feels like I'm ice skating... over doodoo"

Sugarcane!

This is John, the love of my life that I wrote about:

Look Kiangaza, I can give myself insulin, I'm fine, really!

Trying on my jeans :)

These are from the orphanage:

I gave all the necklaces I used to have to these kids. It's so weird where they ended up if you think about it.

Gettin' some milk and blood you know how it is in the mornings

hi we slept here!!

How the Masai brush their teeth

"Guys, come to get your lunch-boxes!"

The man who made it all possible

I only ride my bicycle when there are Masai warriors to protect me

And welcome to Safari 8-)

EAT ME

rawr

Chillin by the Ngorongoro crater :D

Tenting :)

Mmmm I only eat gazelle carcass freshly stolen from vultures too

Vultures enjoying their gazelle before the mean hyena came and stole it.

Aww yeah

It is the fourth day without a shower. i am overly excited over a hippo, which is that black speck far off in the distance because it responded to my hippo mating call. Things to note: I am holding a fork. Why?? I don't know.

zomg PRIDE ROCK!!

Okay so I swear I'll do a Europe update soon. :D

The best post in my journal, ever, so far.

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:04:22 GMT

Today is me and Zach's two year anniversary. Last year we went to Taco Bell because I had an orgo test. This year, we are going to Trader Joes because we went out to eat on Saturday (after I take a practice MCAT I need a lot of fat in my system) and I was not impressed. I realized that it isn't because the quality of food in restaurants has decreased, it's because my standards have risen since I started cooking. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I'm pretty interested in seeing Dr. Kamler again, so a few weeks ago I e-mailed him to find out if he had returned from Kilimanjaro. Indeed he had, and he wanted to invite me, a measly peon, to the Explorers Club annual meeting. I was thrilled, and SO excited. I wasn't sure what it would entail, but I visualized me walking around with Dr. Kamler, shaking hands with famous people, having them all compliment me on my dress and smile, telling all my stories and having them be fascinated.... I couldn't wait.

The morning I woke up though (and this is going to sound really pathetic) I got cold feet about going. I'm really not used to doing things without Zach by my side anymore. When he dropped me off at the station, I pouted "Don't leave. Come with me. Please?"
"When did you turn into such a wuss?!"
The train doors closed. And I was all by myself heading into the city to go to a fancy place.
To get my mind off it I took a bunch pictures of myself on the train. No, I'm serious.

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To top it all off, I was going to take a cab. It was located between Madison and Park and I hate taking subways to that area. I've never taken a cab before because I visualized going ten feet and paying fifty bucks, and I've always struggled with subways, and I wasn't happy about taking a cab- but then, I was already planning on showing up fashionably late and didn't want to deal with waddling to a place I had never been before in four inch heels.

I catch a cab and it only cost ten bucks. THAT was what I was scrimping on my whole life?

I walk in, and everyone is fifty years older than me. Everyone is caught up in their own conversations. Everyone looks classic New Yorker, expensive, posh, that talk I always hear in movies. I suddenly feel extremely out of place. I send a few twitters to look busy. Then I see hm: Dr. Kamler! He has popped out of the meeting and is looking around anxiously. I caught his eye, he gave me a big hug, and said that he had to go into a meeting and would see me in about an hour. He hooked me up with a lady and a younger girl with her- a student who looked my age.
"Finally,", I thought. "Things will start going according to plan. I'll make a friend, we'll search the club together, we'll-"
My reverie was abruptly cut short when the woman said "Elize from Harvard does research on Narwal tusks in the Arctic. She's moving to Norway in June. What are your research interests?"

My heart sinks as I skim over the things I've done in my life. 'I... went to Italy to hang out and have fun and hop around museums... I, um.... study for my MCAT....'

I meekly decide on saying "I did rainforest conservation in Australia, and I worked with aboriginals for a few days," which I still thought sounded pretty cool- albeit, not Narwal-tusks-in-the-Arctic-cool. By the way, at that point in my life I did NOT know what a Narwal was, and was not about to ask.
"Oh, Aboriginals? What tribe? I went on Walkabout with a few female aboriginals. They taught me their way of life, survival techniques.. it was incredible. Which did you spend time with? Did you go on walkabout?"
"....Uh, I actually wasn't allowed to speak to them, because.... they thought we would taint their culture."

At this point I have abandoned all former pretenses about what the day could have been like, and am wondering how to escape.

She gave us a tour around the building and it was incredible. By then I had learned to keep my mouth shut and 'Oooh,' and 'Aaah,' at appropriate times. The building was beautiful, though- there was even a Narwal tusk on the top floor. When we got back down, she invited me into the Members-only meeting, where thankfully, I could stand and watch board members talk and didn't have to do anything. However, the Board member speaking was having a bit of trouble from a pugnacious club member named Ted. They ended up practically yelling at each other and the woman who had brought me there caught my eye and told me to leave. So I was off on the floor again by myself. I stood in a lunch line, and at least then I was standing in a line and so could appear busy.

I wasn't impressed with the food really but I was standing at a table, and others came to join me. Finally, the day improved. (All this awkwardness is just from one hour.) I met the Deans of Admissions of quite a few med schools, and they all gave me tips on how to get in. They even gave me their names. If I have trouble getting into Oregon, Kentucky, or Louisiana, I know who to write to! Apparently, the director of neurology at SB Med is a total douche, and apparently, one girl wrote on her application that she enjoyed watching porno flicks. I cracked up. With that, I began to loosen up as well.

Then I met Dr. Kamler again. He introduced me to a lot of people with this (very generous) introduction. "This is Ruchi. She's a third year at SBU. She's worked in Australia, traveled Italy and is climbing Kilimanjaro this summer." Why didn't I think of that introduction? By this time, I've warmed up considerably and am talking to people like it's nothing. Oh, you wrote several books that I've perused at Barnes and Nobles? It's very nice to finally meet you. Oh, you work exclusively on the Great Barrier Reef? What a coincidence, I was just there this summer.

He introduced me to a med student named Ray. Ray was also excited to be there and seemed just like me- fresh faced, not knowing anyone- and he hadn't even been out of the country yet. I immediately decided to spend the rest of the day with Ray.

"I heard there are monkeys," I said to Ray.
"...Monkeys?"
"Yeah, I heard there are monkeys here."
Ray now thinks I am nuts.
"Let's go find monkeys."
Ray accompanies me, possibly because he has nothing better to do at the moment.

Downstairs we find- no really- three diaper clad, chattering monkeys!

One of them could draw. Another got offended when I touched his leash, but kissed me and licked my hand. Apparently, he doesn't like it when women touch his leash.

We sat in on a lecture about the oceans and one about Peru. The ocean one was nice, though I knew most of it already. One man was really cool- he was going to all fifty states and giving a speech about little things that we could do to conserve the oceans to schools. I liked him because he seemed excited to speak to children. He even pulled up his facebook page and showed off how many kids friended him. (Ironically, when I got back to Zach's later I found out he's going to Elliott's school to talk tomorrow.)

When we got out of the lectures, I took Ray on a carbon copy of the tour that I had just had!

Um, that's a mammoth tusk. No, really.

Double-tusked elephant. (Obviously a mutation). Thankfully, they were able to figure out that he could eat just fine anyway.

Lots of 'splorers!

Giant sperm whale penis. It used to point straight up and be larger. Now it is shrinking and is pointing to the left. I guess no one really knows how to care for it.

Afterward, we met Dr. Kamler again. He introduced us to one of the most famous photographers at National Geographic, who I now know as JUSTIN. He told me that times are tough for photographers now- no one's really paying them to go anywhere anymore. He seemed proud of my ventures in Italy, at least. He was talking about the places he's been, and brought up that now he lives in Williamsburg. I made fun of him for being a yuppie. Dr. Kamler joined in. (Can you tell that I felt at home at that point?)

He explained that they had just come out with this 'new tea' that was 2,000 years old.
Ray and Dr. Kamler nodded.
"A new tea, that's 2,000 years old?" I said.
Everyone cracked up. "SHE caught me!" said Justin.

I think out of everyone I met, I enjoyed talking to him the most. We went back upstairs for high tea, and I was really in the zone. I met so many people and they were all so kind to me, and they seemed approving of my efforts. (The narwal researcher was just a rough start to the day!) I rubbed elbows with people who just gave me their card and told me they'd be happy to sponsor me as a student member. (I hadn't even considered that up till they said it).

Ray had to catch a train back to Philly, and wanted to know if I'd split a cab with him. On the one hand, I was getting into the zone, but on the other, I didn't want to outstay my welcome. I agreed, and we said bye to Dr. Kamler. He said to keep in touch and make sure I apply as a student member. My goal is to send him my app. by later this week. I'm sure he'll approve it. Also, he is coming to see me give my speech at Bodies this summer! I promised to show him every eccentricity of every bone. He said he'd like nothing better.

Me, Ray, and the man who made it all possible.

On the train ride home I reflected on everything that had happened, how awesome it was, and how people on Park Avenue are not REALLY all that cooler than me. I also took more pictures of myself.

Yet honestly? I would've been just as happy at home with Zach watching Xena and making dinner. But, all's well that ends well.

I just looked at the application and for half the spots in it I have nothing. No honors related to exploration. No research related to exploration. :(

I'm still going to try, though. What's the worst that could happen? Down the line in medical school this is going to open up so many doors; they have so many opportunities and expeditions for medical students. I know now what I'm going to do with that year off, if I have to take one.

I just have to get in first!

It is my right to devote an entire post solely to my hair (kind of), part II

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:07:18 GMT

Oh hey guys. Remember when this was a big hair change? Well, you're about to see something ridiculous. But FIRST:
Orgo lab is slowly sucking all the life out of me. I just pulled a muscle in my leg and had a nervous breakdown because this entire week as well as last week I have been standing for six hours a day and it will be terrible to stand for the same amount of time tomorrow with a pulled muscle. And I scraped my hand across a nail and today I got acetate in my wound. Delicious. The best part? Most of the time we're waiting for shit to react. And, CHLOE, we DON'T get to synthesize purple eyeshadow. That was just your fancy shmancy advanced lab.

However, I have little to nothing to complain about due to the fact that the meeting with my parents and Dr. Arens was last night, I moved into my single and I love it and it's neat, and orgo lab will be over in five days (thirty more hours) and I'll be glad I did it. As for the meeting, my mom took the train here, and Zach and I went to pick her up at the station.
"Mom, are you here?"
"I think so... SUNY Stony Brook... shuttle bus to SUNY Stony Brook.. excuse me sir? Excuse me sir, can you please tell me, is this the shuttle bus to SUNY Stony Brook?"
[Two seconds later, my mother calls back]
"RUCHI!! RUCHI, the train doors closed before I could get off!! What do I do?!?!"
Me and Zach are laughing hysterically. We drove to pick her up at Port Jeff, but seriously... only my mommy. (Or me.) (For the record, that has never happened to me.)

Dr. Arens offered my parents delicious tea and spoke to my mom for an hour and a half. He called in two previous students who had gone as well as the coordinator and gave my mom a day-by-day layout of where we will be and how we will get there. He charmed the brains off of my mom, and my mom is now EXCITED about me going. My favorite moment?
"Yeah, Ruchi is a big fan of yours, Professor Arens,"
"Well, I'm a big fan of hers."

Do you realize what this means? I'm going to be one of the last people to see the snows of Kilimanjaro. I am going to be on a safari for a week. I am going to see firsthand why I really want to be a doctor. I'm going to Tanzania, and on the way back, we transfer in Amsterdam.

Transfer? Um, I think I might miss my connecting. OK? Ok. I'm trying to convince Zach to meet me there and then we can fly to Paris and spend ONE NIGHT IN PARIS. SCHWING. Then my parents and Zach's parents all went out to dinner and we ate and laughed over TONS of Indian food for about two hours. I love how our families get along so well, and I'm really sad that I didn't have my camera. One awkward moment was avoided, thankfully, when Zach gave Abbey a goodbye hug.
My mom: Wow, he's hugging her like he'll never see her again!
Zach's mom: Well, she's going back to school tomorrow, so he might not.
[I frantically caught her eye before she said 'depending on whether or not he comes home tonight']
And it ended there.

In other news, Zach is playing GoldenFest and playing mind games. I told him I would go, and he said "No you don't have to, it's not your type of music, etc etc etc." But what he wanted was for me to valiantly protest that I DO want to go, and blah blah blah. Instead:
[As we're falling asleep]
Me: Fine. I won't go.
Z: Good.
Me: I understand that you want to have fun with your friends from Balkan camp without me.. specifically all those girls that you get drunk with every summer. [Chloe: this was a specific reference to "I could get TONS of girls at Balkan Camp!!"]
Z: [sigh] Shit... Babe, why don't you trust me?
Me: I thought I did, but I mean, why else would you not want me at the biggest show you play all year? Other than all those girls will be there and you want to have a guys night of fun.
Z: Becuase.. because... [Z realizes his excuses are bullshit anyway and falters] Fine.. I do want you to come. I've wanted you to come all along.
R: [Rolls over with triumphant smile] Great, because what I just did was I guilt tripped you to trick you into admitting your excuses were a stupid piece of crap anyway AS WELL AS admitting that you really want me there. I wasn't jealous at all. But I KNEW IT WOULD GET ME WHAT I WANTED.
Z: [stunned silence]
R: Don't hate the playa. Hate the game.
There was no cuddling for an hour, but there was wrestling.

Anyway, we can get to the part that you've all been waiting for anyway. But first, I took about 30 pictures of myself with long hair on the last day because I just didn't know where I'd see it again. Are you excited? You shouldn't be.

Smiling for the camera.

ANXIOUS about losing the hair.

Zach calls this 'the patronizing half smile' and he absolutely hates when I do it.

BITCHES DON'T KNOW. My first attempt at an angry picture.

After I took ALL these pictures I noticed three in which I am making the same ridiculous face. I have to stop making this face. There is no reason for it. I will post these just to show how ridiculous it really is.

Ridiculous.

Where will it go? How will it look?

I was telling one of my co-workers at Bodies that I was going to lose all my sex appeal by chopping my hair off. He reassured me it wasn't true. I assured him it was. I then said: "But how can I do THIS?!" and proceeded to demonstrate that picture. "That's my sex appeal, right there."
"Oh. You're absolutely right. That's... hot."

Proof that I had entirely too much time on my hands.

Okay. She's ready.

Okay, first I'll just briefly explain the reasons why again.

This was taken at Tia's Christmas party, while it was winding down. I was getting yelled at for doing dishes. For the pictures I took of myself, obviously, my hair was brushed and neat through the whole thing. This picture is how it looks on a regular basis. When it gets this long, it gets really straggly like that, which isn't supposed to happen with hair. And generally, despite my best efforts, it gets tangled like crazy. When I say like crazy, I mean the entire thing turns into a knot that I cannot get a brush into. At all. It's completely impractical, especially for when I wake up. And I can't not brush it, because then it looks like a birds nest, even though that's how it looks an hour after I brush it anyway. This quote pretty much sums it up:
Me: I'm going to cut my hair off.
Zach: Sweet. Then I can stop like, lying on it, and you can stop like, screaming in pain.

I didn't necessarily want something this short, but I didn't mind at all. I haven't been able to get it as big as the salon did, but everyone says that's good because it looked like a wig anyway. But anyway, here you go. This is my NEW FUCKIN' HAIRCUT.

Zach took like twelve.

At this point Zach walks in on me in the bathroom holding my discarded, cut off ponytail up to my face.
Zach: [Sigh] Okay. Time to go get the superglue.

It floofs out of my coat, so it will NEVER get tangled!!

I can lean on Zach, and Zach can lean on me, and STILL no tangles!

I can kiss, and get kissed, and no tangles to be found.

My boyfriend can take emo pictures while pretending to be in them with me with my new haircut!

I can give my biff murderous glances and watch Zach pump gas! Or, okay, I got camera happy.

Anyway, this is how I look when I blow it out myself. I'm hoping it will grow out happier and healthier. I think I might hang on to the short look for a few months, but contrary to what the salon said, I will grow my hair back. I feel more feminine that way. And it'll be really great in Tanzania. However, I want to have long, feminine hair for interviews (if I get them), so I don't know. But in the meantime, DO YOU REALIZE I HAVEN'T BRUSHED MY HAIR IN TWO WEEKS AND IT STILL LOOKS GOOD? No tangles is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced.

Well, that's it. And yes, I'm aware that now I look more cutesy and more pixie-like than ever. So what does everyone think?

SOLD.

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:38:01 GMT

Okay, so before I jump into my 500mph shpiel on how excited I am right now, I'm going to take a minute to just state that everytime I log into lj from a SINC site the picture of me 'dancing' comes up and I'm really embarassed and I click out of it as fast as I can. Does that mean I will change it? NEVAR!!

Okay. SO. Today is a really busy day for me. Awhile ago, I e-mailed Professor Arens to( You remember him, right?)ask him if I could get a table for ISV at the study abroad fair. He e-mails back "Ruchi? I remember you. I had you in one of my classes freshman year. You were my favorite student."
So there I am, sitting at my computer, with one hell of a dropped jaw. I respond with "You were my most influential professor. I can't believe you remember me." So he answers with "Come see me. Emily will arrange."
?? I eventually figured out that Emily is his secretary, that I am to e-mail her and set up a meeting, so I did, only unfortunately during all his meeting times I had class. So I decide- screw class!!

I left psych 20 minutes early (it's not that I can't miss fifteen minutes, it's just that I don't like missing class. Gets me into a bad pattern.) and I go up to his office. My outfit was pre-selected because he always noticed little things, like my necklaces and earrings. (Not creepy, he's an anthropologist!!) So I wore my galoshes, a necklace with leaves, peacock earrings and God knows what else. I show up to his office and he's in a meeting. He calls out "Ruchi!!" so I start walking towards his office. He says "Wait one minute." so I'm sitting outside his office, slightly nervous.

Of course I get in there and it's the most non-awkward situation EVER. He simply goes "I love those shoes! Wow, those are unique." I laugh, and I'm like "Yeah, I can't get rid of them even though they have this giant hole in the back. You know how I found that out? I ran into the ocean in the winter."

He introduces me to all his big fancy people in the meeting and then tells them all to "Shoo!! Ruchi's here."
"Dr. Arens, remember you have that meeting at 12:30.."
"Yes, yes, after Ruchi! All this, after Ruchi! Bye now!"

I'm flabbergasted. So he asks me what I've been doing, and I chatter about Italy, and Australia- wait, Australia? Who did I go to Australia with? ISV? WHAT? HOW much money? I could spend a semester there for all that money!!
"Allison, Allison come here!"
::A woman pokes her head in:: "Dr. Arens, I'm very late I have to go talk to my class-"
"Yeah but they think better of you if you're late, don't they Ruchi?"
Me: "..Yeah.. yeah they think you're a rock star."
So Dr. Arens tells her about ISV and how much money and blah blah blah, and how I could have gone with the school and gotten credit. He goes "We've got to get these people off campus, Allison. This is terrible."
I'm like 'Whoops' because I'm a student rep but Arens knows best, right? Then he tells me I talk like I'm from Brooklyn, and he is too but he speaks clearly. Of course he notices the leaf necklace and asks if I like leaves. Yes I like leaves, especially here. They're gorgeous, I've never seen them change color this way. Spring better than fall? Yeah, sure. So random, and delightful. "I can't concentrate on you because I'm too busy looking at your shoes!!"

Then he starts talking about Tanzania. He runs the program and it's the only one in the country, and he's been trying to get me to go on it pretty much since I had him. Of course, my mother? Tanzania? Nuh-uh. I asked. Dr. Palmer also- 'Nuh-uh.'

He asked about my statistics for med school, I told him, and he cringed. He said that he's very good friends with people from the admissions office, and they get thousands of applications. No, they don't read them. They just read the ones that make the first GPA/MCAT cut, and then charge the rest of them. Personal statements? Thrown away. No one reads that many. Just the ones in that lucky first pile.

He told me with my stats right now, I really don't stand a chance. "I really want to see you in medical school, Ruchi.. your smile.. we need people like you. But you won't make it. Everyone volunteers. Everyone does research. Everyone takes these classes." He wasn't trying to be mean, he was being honest... and I appreciate it.

THEN he says that every pre-med who has gone to Tanzania with him has gotten into medical school, and he knows where all of them are now. When you've gone on a special trip like this and done an independent study, does anyone care about organic chem? NO. "What'd you do in Tanzania?" they say.

My mom wants me to go abroad for medical school if I don't get in here. Five years in Ireland vs. a month in Tanzania? Um, tough choice? No. Dr. Arens raised his five year old son there for two years. He's bringing his granddaughter there this summer. We stay in a hotel for two of the four weeks. Isn't it better to go with someone whose made this trip twenty freaking times? He says he'll take my mom out to lunch and convince her.

I just called Dr. P and told him all this in 3 minutes and 35 seconds at a very fast speed. He said he'd think about it. If I can get him, I MIGHT be able to sway my mommy.

I want this. I want to go to med school. I want the experience of travelling with DOCTAH ARENS. I WANT this.

I'm going to apply. And if they don't let me go, then I guess I won't get an acceptance letter. But I'm applying. And dammit, I want to go.

Oh, but he did say "I'm definitely going to write you a lovely reccomendation letter." (I didn't even ask!) "But it'll be better if you got one from the professor you went to Tanzania with."

Yeah. It would be. How'd I get this lucky? I haven't seen him or kept in touch with him for two years, and he's trying to get ME to go on this highly competitive trip when he has hundreds of people that apply. I'm meeting my idol, Dr. Kenneth Kamler on the 27th, and I've been to three countries by the age of twenty.

Little Brooklyn girl, with a little Brooklyn mindset and a terrified mother, little Brooklyn girl who lost it all when she was seven- little Brooklyn girl Ruchi did more than she EVER thought she'd do, let alone by twenty.

Even though I've come a lonnng way from that hunger strike at age 12, I'm still the same girl. Just as determined to get what I want. Only now instead of a walk to the corner by myself, it's a trip to Tanzania.

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 04:46:14 GMT

I'm sitting on Zach's bed while he does his work at his desk, and I'm looking up yummy recipes on the food network. Lo and behold, I'm delighted that they have videos of Paula Deen, so I'm watching them. And I turn the first one on, and I hear "Okay ya'll, today we're gonna take some mac and cheese, and wrap it in some bacon, and put it on in the deep fryer."
Zach: Is that PAULA DEEN... deepfrying mac and cheese... wrapped in bacon?????????
:::I crack up:::
I may miss cable, but I love these moments.

Everything was closed at Coney Island

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:09:21 GMT

Being a Brooklyn girl, so many of my memories from my hometown come from Astroland. I used to know when summer came by looking out Mark Twain's second floor window and seeing my favorite theme park come alive again every May. I had my first roller coaster ride on the ever-classic Cyclone at age nine. My cousin won me my very first teddy bear from one of the booths that boasted a 'Big-Ass Prize'. Not to mention, my very first concert was Sirenfest. My first parade? The Mermaid Parade.

So many of my fondest memories come from cutting class with my friends and spending a day at Astroland. I've cheered for the Cyclones from atop the Wonder Wheel once a summer. And yet this August, I walked around the booths licking sugar from my funnel-caked fingers for what I sadly knew would be the last time. Perhaps these seem like little things, but all these little things play a huge role in making Brooklyn what it is- the Brooklyn that I grew up with, and the Brooklyn that I love.

For the past few years, I've heard a lot of people say that Brooklyn just isn't what it used to be. But still, no matter how Brooklyn once was, at least we still have the culture of Coney Island- or at least we did until Sunday, September 7th.

It seems to me nothing short of a tragedy to lose such a huge part of Brooklyn's culture. It's been four years since I first heard whispers about Coney Island closing. Since then, Brooklynites and New Yorkers alike have rallied together to try to stop this from happening. No matter what replaces Astroland, how can it compete with Astroland itself? No one has forgotten that this is where the first hot dog was born; that Astroland set the standard for theme parks across the country- that just fifty years ago, people flocked from all over the country just to come to Coney Island. And thanks to all the supporters, another couple of years were squeezed out of Astroland's life.

Unfortunately, it seems that luck is finally at an end. As of Sunday, Astroland closes its gates for good. I'm sure the students at Mark Twain next year will still look out hopefully, if only out of habit. But for the first time, Astroland won't be there. The Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel will be, though- as very appropriate symbols of a time now past. It's the end of an era, and I'm sure many Brooklynites right now are planning an emergency trip to Spumoni Gardens. Because honestly, after we lose Astroland, we have to appreciate what we have left.

brroooklyyyyyyyyynnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:18:21 GMT

So.. home?

Fiji drama. I bought tons of candy while I was in Australia, because face it- TimTams? You’ll never find them at home. Same goes for Crispy M&Ms, and a bunch of other different flavors of candies. But, we had to leave our suitcase in a non-heated room in Fiji. So I had to unpack all my fucking candy and bring it with me because where we would be staying, there would be a fridge. So I tucked it away in the fridge and forgot about it.

Until the last day. It was me and the six other fannies, as well as two girls who we knew not too well but liked enough, and one girl that none of us liked at all. She’s tall and ridiculously thin (but eats a lot; one of those). None of us could stand her because she had been so rude to us during the adventure tour. And when I say rude, I mean incredibly rude- like whenever we tried to speak to her, she rolled her eyes and walked away. One time Amanda walked past her on the pay phone, and she was saying “Mom. You need to put more fucking money in my account. WHAT, do you want me to starve? Okay, fuck you. Whatever. Bye.”

Only nine people from our adventure tour went to Fiji and we were very sad when we found out she was one of them, and even more so when we found out she was living with us. There are no locks in Fiji, not even for our door, but we weren’t too worried. Perhaps we should have been. First of all, all she did was complain. “Why do I have to pay ten dollars to visit the Fijian village? Fuck that. I don’t fucking want to. I should be able to go anyway.” (What the hell? Didn’t you hear that with the ten dollars from each person, they built homes for families and expanded their school?” “It’s so boring here. Beaches and hammocks. I have this in Florida. What a fucking waste.”

Anyway, on the last day, the two girls we didn’t know too well came up to me and said Liz had been stealing their food. They said they knew it was her because on the first day she said “God, I’m so hungry. I want to steal someone’s food, but they’re all here.” And soon after that their food had gone missing when no one else but her was home. I checked the status of my candy, and sure enough, there were a great deal of things missing.

She was pretending to be asleep, but I bitched about it to Del in front of her and then went downstairs with those girls and Del. When we got back upstairs, I was talking to Delceta and she was like “Oh, what’s wrong?” and I said “I wasn’t talking to you.” So she stormed into those girls’ room and started talking about me, and I walked in and said “You know, if you have something to say, you could say it to my face..” so she started bantering about how I’m so rude, and how I’m intolerable and how she’s such a nice person. So, I brought up how so much of my candy had gone missing. And she asked if I was calling her a thief, and I looked her in the face and said “I guess I am.”

I know that she talks behind everyone’s back, because each of the fannies has heard her at some point. I brought that up and she said she had never said that (which comforted me, because I knew she was lying about that, and if she could lie about that so flippantly I was sure she would lie about anything else). And she was like “Why the FUCK do you think it’s me who took your shit?” and I triumphantly looked at the two girls who had brought it up in the first place. They held up their hands and left. Seriously?!?!?!

She went through all the motions… “Do you want to go through my stuff?? DO you?” (No, Liz, it was candy, and you left empty bags in the fridge, and everything is now in your stomach.) “I spent $150 dollars on food downstairs because I’m so hungry. GO CHECK MY TAB.” (No, Liz, contrary to what you think, that doesn’t prove anything.) finally, I said “I’m really tired of hearing your voice, so please, we don’t have to do this anymore.” I let her have the last word and stomp off, then I went to those girls’ room. They, apparently, “don’t like confrontation”, even though she took way more from them than from me. She walked in and yelled “IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO MY FACE,” and I said “…but I already did.”

She then stayed in their room talking about me for the next two hours and they probably agreed and laughed, and then they checked in together on the plane. People are so fake. Anyway, then Leanne noticed that she had a hundred dollars missing, and I noticed that I was missing $140. And THEN we remembered that she had bitched about the $100 deposit on the first day because she didn’t have that, she only had $40- so she only gave them $40. And we also realized that though doors in Fiji don’t have locks, no one else was missing anything. It sucks. But whatever.. I didn’t let it ruin my last day in Fiji. And it was an experience. I sure got taken, though. By all three of them.

Soon after that, Delceta (who was adamantly on my side and bitched at Liz just as much) mentioned the time that Zach called and she kept yelling into the phone and he said “I’m calling to talk to you, not to her,” and said “I’M NEVER talking to him again.” So I said “Okay,”, and she was like “Don’t give me the whatever face,” and I said “What do you want me to say?” She then stopped speaking to me for the rest of the trip. I tried to talk to her a few times, but then decided if that’s how she wanted to be, it was up to her.

My primary obsession for quite awhile was finding a temple in Fiji. I found out that Hindi was one of the primary languages there, and I even watched (the worst) a Hindi movie on the plane to Fiji to brush up. THERE WAS A TEMPLE IN FIJI, on the mainland- not just A temple, but the largest temple in the South Pacific. I was able to go the day that we went back to the mainland while everyone else packed their stuff. It was magical. It’s the first time I’ve been to temple since my dad died. There weren’t services or anything, but even just seeing it. It was huge, it was ornate, it was colorful, (soooo colorful). There were temples devoted to each and every major god in the religion and it was incredible and it was the perfect ending to the five weeks.

Waiting to get on the plane sucked, though. The first goodbye ripped out my heart, yes, but I somehow didn’t think this one would. We all wanted to get home so very badly and we were so tired and so kind of ready to leave that I didn’t think it would be so bad. The plane ride wasn’t even enjoyable and I usually love plane rides. I wasn’t comfortable, even with my legs draped over Briana and Leanne, and it seemed to take twenty hours even though it was even shorter than our ride over. Of course, our ride over was in the lap of luxury. Because the plane was delayed for so long, most other people switched their flights, which meant each one of us had an entire row to ourselves. So we all lay down over four seats with our pillow and blanket, AND we had a personal entertainment system with over fifty movies to choose from which we could stop and start whenever we wanted. We were fed every few hours, and given fruit and hot chocolate even more than that. I love Quantas. Unfortunately, Quantas went on strike and we flew Air Pacific back to the states. It sucked.

As soon as we landed, I had tears in my eyes because I missed the states so much. Turning on my cell phone again made my heart leap, seeing text messages made me feel like I was back. I said the pledge of allegiance when I got out of the plane for no reason at all, and I also skipped to the luggage carousel humming “I’m back to the U.S of A, and I’m here to stay!” I had lost it.

My mind was majorly on catching my connecting flight. Del and I were on the same one, but she announced that her check-in lady in Fiji had offered her the opportunity to check in at that airport, which of course, she hadn’t bothered to let me know about. It was at four and we got back at 130, plus we had to board by 330. That left me two hours to get my luggage (my non-priority luggage, on a double-decker international flight with about a bajillion people on it), get through customs (you know, customs that had the line with the bajillion people on it) cross my fingers that they didn’t make me open my suitcase and take anything out, get to the other side of the airport with my significantly overweight suitcase that lost one wheel in Fiji and now thumped and rolled unevenly, find the American Airlines terminal, check in, get through security and get on the plane. I severly doubted it. I had even called Phil and told him not to bother to meet me because I wouldn’t have had time anyway.

The funny part is, I’m always the one with the most illegal stuff in my bag, and I’m never called out on it. The first plane ride, I had a giant bottle of lotion in my bag. (I just forgot about it). I made it through the LA flight, and even to Australia with it, while all my friends got their shower gel and their lotion taken away. Then, on the flight to Cairns two weeks later, my friends had a couple things taken out of their suitcase, while I skipped right through with all sorts of candy, peanut butter, and sand, of all things. When we got to Fiji, they took Sheena’s jerky away. She had one bag. I had seven, and I got through just fine.

So when we finally got to customs in LA about an hour and fifteen minutes after my flight landed, my heart was in my chest not only because I had very little time left to catch my connecting flight, but also because if I didn’t make it through LA customs it would be the only customs that mattered and it would have been a giant tease to get through the others. Andrew and Del had already gone through customs and said “We’ll meet you on the other side,” (which, of course, they were already gone, Andrew to see if he could grab an earlier flight than the next day, Del to not even bother to wait for me even though we were on the same flight). Amanda joked that Sheena should give all her illegal stuff to me, and I gave her a tight smile and then said “Wait! Don’t jinx me!”.

I got through customs the same as I always have. I’m pretty sure they searched Sheena, because her and Amanda were right behind me but I waited a good three minutes and then said “I really have to get to my flight.”

Leanne and Briana were sad about leaving without saying goodbye, and so was I. this was a pathetic finish to the Fanny Pack Chronicles. But as it was I got in at 1230 am, as it was I was so homesick I wanted to cry, as it was I just needed more than I can communicate to get to Brooklyn and be HOME.

So I asked for directions, for the first time being rude and tapping my foot while the security guard had a long chat with someone else. Then I proceeded to dash to my terminal with Leanne and Briana, who wanted to go on standby and get on my flight. I finally checked in, but my bag was too heavy and I had to take it somewhere else to have it X-rayed. Leanne and Briana couldn’t get on my flight, so I gave them a huge hug goodbye and sprinted away once again to send my luggage through yet another scanner. (Which strikes me as strange, actually, they have scanners in Fiji and Australia for customs but none in LAX. I could have brought a gun back into the country and no one would have known the difference. Weird.)

Finally, I went through security, bought a book (any book), lamented at paying tax again and settled down at my gate with twenty minutes to spare. Only to find my flight was delayed for an hour and a half. Such is life.

When I FINALLY got on the flight it was the longest flight of my entire life (not really, it was only five hours, but still) and then finally, I saw Brooklyn out the window and I cried, I did, and then I saw Dr. P at the luggage terminal and I jumped on him and cried more, and then we drove home and I saw my mom and I cried even more and now I’m home and I had the most amazing five weeks ever and everyone, every single one of you should do this, you HAVE to, it’ll change everything, and I’m jetlagged and I went a whole night without sleeping because my biological clock is all messed up.

Back to Brooklyn for another sweet Brooklyn summer. Out of Oz, but there’s no place like home.
But pictures!

lighthouse at sunrise :)

I have no excuse. I wasn't even drunk.

This is the rock that I ground into sand from the cliffs of colored sand.

On one of our truck stops during a ten hour bus ride, we stopped at a place that had a beach. We walked down the beach and found tons of these bright green things. Finally we asked our tour leader what the hell they were, and apparently if you throw them at people you'll itch for days on end. He shuddered just thinking about it because that's all they did in school. I asked what they were called, he scratched his head and said- "Gee, I don't know.. we just called 'em itchy bombs." Then he asked me to get them off the bus as soon as possible.

Oh I miss Nimbin :(

Just chillin' at the Great Barrier Reef, you know how I do..

CHICKEN FIGHTS YAY

Pretending to be sexy on the whitest sand in the world

This picture did not turn out how we wanted it to :(

Aww, Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Aww, opera house.

They were terrifying.

But THEY were ADORABLE. Oh my god, I have no words. The koala on the branch first decided he didn't want to be there and started crawling down the tree. They got another koala, who walked up the branch, and then looked at some guy, and then decided he didn't quite like the look of him, so he started crawling down that tree and heading purposefully back to his home. Finally they found one who wanted to stay.

On to Fiji. I stole that drink because I liked how it matched my dress.

This was every day. :)

Aww so comfy. UNTIL...

someone VERY mean knocked us out of our hammock :(

Just finished swimmin' in the rain :)

I tried so hard to take the Friends picture. It worked out, but poor me.

There is a backstory to how I ended up like this. I'M A PARROT!

As usual on Pirate night, the festive Fanny Pack owned all.

Be careful, I peck.

Tropical night, too. Unfortunately my coconut boobs fell off on the 500 step walk downstairs. It's like everyone on the other hemisphere is fit, or something. Geez. All that walking..

Like I said. We were in the ocean all day, every day.

Like always, I NEVER want to tan. But look at me. Just look at me. I don't know how it happens. :(

what haven't i done?

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 05:55:13 GMT

BRIEFLY because this is the most expensive and concurrently slow internet yet:

I live on top of the world overlooking the entire island and the beach, with all my friends in one house with four rooms.
I snorkelled again today and though it was no Great Barrier, I saw tons of bright blue swordfish (my primary thought was "OMG I RIDE YOU IN DONKEY KONG" another pufferfish, tons of gorgeous translucent pink/blue and pink/green fish, as well as a rainbow fish which I totally stalked. It was pink, green, purple, yellow, lime and blue and I chased it forever. DAMN NOT BRINGING MY CAMERA.
Yesterday was Pirate Night and of course my group got so into it. I dressed in my tropical sarong and bikini and sat on Andrews shoulder all night, with Ritz crackers while going "BAWK!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW" first time Fiji has ever had a pirate with a parrot.
I spent the majority of every morning asleep in a hammock overlooking the beach.
Not a day has gone by where I haven't swam in the ocean.
I got into the pool with all my friends at eleven pm and they took my top off. I was standing there,clutching my boobs, yelling "WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL ZACH?!?!" everyone had taken off their clothes. Weird, huh? How well you get to know each other. I chased them around for my top for awhile, and then Andrew jumped in naked. The next day, we were in the pool fully clothed and about ten million loud obnoxious people decided to skinny dip too while drunk. Only, they didn't know we did it first and they were so annoying about it.
It is so hot and incredible and I can't even tell you how happy I am. ALso, THERE IS A HINDU TEMPLE but it's on the mainland. The LARGEST temple in the South Pacific. I'm so going on Thursday before my flight!!
I MISS YOU ALL AND I'LL BE HOME SO SOON.

BULA!!

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:18:05 GMT

Greetings from Fiji. Last night, every single one of us stayed out till an unknown hour of the morning dancing and dancing and dancing and I drank half a bottle of champagne. In other bits and pieces, my suitcase weighs over sixty pounds and a wheel popped off of it at the airport today. It's going to be a real bitch to get through two more airports. More significantly, over ten pounds at least is candy. SO MANY TIM TAMS. Also, tons of crispy M&Ms and lots of special candy that you can't find in the US to give as gifts. Ridiculous.

The goodbye this morning ripped out my heart just like I knew it would. We sobbed like babies in the airport and held on to each other till we stepped on different planes. We didn't say anything because really.. there was nothing else to say. On the plane ride I watched A HINDI MOVIE. Hindi is one of the primary languages spoken in Fiji, which I'm excited about so I wanted to brush up. It was a pretty bad movie but my Hindi is pretty decent, which is good.

I miss Aussie already. One of the first thing we learned was the Aussie call at orientation- ("AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!! OI OI OI!!") We never did it in the land of OZ though, so today Andrew started it on the bus and we all screamed it back. It is so sad to leave, and it was so sad to say goodbye.

But now I'm in Fiji. It is BLISSFULLY HOT. There is a pool. And tomorrow we leave for the islands.. for five days of beach, sun, surf, and bliss. I cannot wait. I can't. Absolutely can't wait.

I'm so homesick though. At this point, I just want to go home and be with my mom, and jump into Zach's arms. It sounds retarded, but I just want to be back with Zach and I want to see Chris again. I'm going to have the best time of my life the last few days here, but I'm pretty okay with going home at the end of five days. I'd say.. everything on this trip really worked out for the best in every possible way.-

No place like home?

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:45:57 GMT

Last night in Sydney. Last night in Australia. This is it, and it's over, I've done it all and this month is done. I can't get over it. I keep tasting the words and they keep not making any sense whatsoever.

Today I found myself back in the Blue Mountains, the original place that I worked for two weeks during my volunteer project. We were going rapelling today, and since they're mountains, it was the perfect place. We found out yesterday that we would be having dinner in Blackheath, which was our little town.. and having dinner at Gardners, only the pub we went to every day after dinner. Only the pub where we had our big goodbye feast with darling Rusty and Steve. I got a little misty eyed when I found out, because it was going to be the perfect way to end this wonderful dream.

We finally went to a wildlife park, and I finally pet a kangaroo. They are my favorite animals I have ever cuddled with. They hold your hand and lick your fingers and give you hugs, and I hate that I didn't take the initiative and go to a wildlife park myself to spend more time with them. Koalas are seriously the most adorable thing I have ever seen, moving so slowly but crawling along with a force. The first few koalas they took out for photos crawled right back down the branch- they just didn't feel like being out there.

Today I found myself putting seven layers and underarmour back on after two weeks of living without it. Today I found myself dangling from a rope attached to a harness from a sixty foot cliff. Rapelling? Not my thing. I made it down the first three cliffs. The third one I didn't bother trying to climb, I just bounced down. The last one was 180 feet, and that wasn't happening, personally, for me. Plus my wrist hurt. So I just chilled with my friends.

Rusty met us for dinner. All day we were excitedly saying Rusty's name. Rusty, the volunteer supervisor who made it worth going into work every day. Rusty, who met us and took us to the pub and bought us wine. Rusty who teased us and taught us slang and was so grossly perverse and caught crayfish with his bare hands.

Rusty, who after we entered Blackheath today after thinking we had left it behind forever, was quietly sitting in the back room of Gardners. "RUSTY!!!!" and the fanny pack sprinted towards him like little kids. There was a lot of catching up to do, he had to call a lot of us petal, and then we sat down to eat. Lots of laughing, lots of talking, lots of telling us to 'go forth and multiply'. He had a funnel web spider, aka the deadliest spider in the world, in a container in his pocket. Of course he did. Our tour leader jumped and freaked out. We were used to it.

When we finally said goodbye, we really were all a little teary. We were more than happy to be back in Blackheath, more than happy to be with Rusty, but not for long enough. It was such a sad goodbye, because I know for a fact that I'll never see him again, and I adored him. I was the only one he gave a kiss on the head. It only made me more sad.

Everyone slept on the bus ride back. I couldn't. I kept turning over the way this trip has changed my life in my mind, listening to Smashing Pumpkins because they make me feel like home. The fanny pack is and has been so comfortable with each other for so long that on long bus rides we spoon, we cuddle, and we drape our feet across the aisle onto each others seats and bodies. Our section of the bus is just a crisscross of legs and feet, and if anyone wants to go through the aisle, they're going to have to crawl army style because there's no way we're detangling till we have to. We are so close that we all share ice cream from the same cone, because if one of us gets sick the rest of us will too anyway. And tomorrow, two of us are going back. Jamie and Kristi will be back in Wisconsin and San Diego. And then there were seven.

It isn't like Italy, where I knew I'd see Ari and Tarran in school. THe fanny pack will be sprinkled across the US and realistically who knows when we'll all be together again? This is it. And it's over.

No more hearing "No worries, mate!" No more laid back Australia, no more surfing, no more Great Barrier Reef, no more Aussie accents, no more fanny pack. Only seven of us are leaving to Fiji tomorrow.

In Italy, I stayed in absolute comfort all the time and I dealt with petty problems from petty girls. I walked around a LOT, I saw the sights, I shopped, I took photos, I ate.

HERE, I was pushed so far out of my comfort zone. I couldn't shower every day. I was freezing cold. I slept on the bus. We were consistently eight in a room. I white water rafted. I FUCKING SWAM WITH FUCKING SHARKS. I dealt with things about my dad that I didn't know I had to deal with. I loved every second of it and I wouldn't change one thing. Not a one. This trip changed me. It helped me understand myself, it made me decide for sure to travel much more and DO more with my life. Not stay in a narrow little comfort zone.

Tonight I'm going to drink. I'm going to drink, I'm going to dance, I'm going to give one last hurrah with all my wonderful friends and fall in love with them one by one over and over again. And the goodbye in the morning will rip my heart out.

...But by six pm tomorrow.. I'm going to be in Fiji. :-)

The adventure's not over yet.
PS. Kseena, I'm leaving behind four books that don't fit in my suitcase. I tried registering them on bookcrossing but unfortunately this computer is too slow and I'll run out of time. I was really looking forward to it, too!! :(

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 11:31:41 GMT

SURFING OH MY GOD. I think I'm in love. I was kind of dreading the lesson because I thought I'd suck and it wouldn't be fun and the water would be cold, but first of all the instructors were so fun and nice, and second we started off just by lying on our boards and riding waves, which I did really well. I coasted past Del on the first one, who was teeter-tottering, and she yelled "Show-off!!" as I passed by. When we learned to stand up on our boards, it was just a yoga sequence. I was like "Okay, downward dog, warrior, plank...". Unfortunately, it took me awhile to realize that you don't have to hold yoga poses for a few seconds while breathing on surfboards, so I wiped out unnecessarily for awhile. By the end of fifteen minutes, though, I was standing up and riding waves, only not with bent knees and elbows. More like standing up straight with an expression of goofy and retarded victory with my arms in the air Leonardo DiCaprio style. The camera caught me right before I wiped out. I can't wait to post them... I had the same goofy retarded smile on my face the ENTIRE time. I never thought I'd be able to do that. Even wiping out was fun. At one point, the instructor took me INTO the waves and he told me to duck under one and it crashed over my head, and at one point he told me to hide my face and it hurt as it crashed ON my head but it was so awesome. During one wipeout, somehow I punched myself in the face REALLY hard. "Pow, right in the kisser!!" A little ridiculous. It still hurts.

I signed us up for surfing lessons, so it was just the Fanny Pack which was really nice. I don't think I've ever even explained the fanny pack... our first night that we went out to a club, Andrew (the only guy in a house of 8 girls) called out "Okay, let me just grab my fanny and I'm good to go!" Our tour leader briefly looked horrified and then said "Uh, you shouldn't say that in Australia...". Apparently, fanny is a slang word for vagina. Who knew? But it then made so much sense that we now always refer to each other as the fanny pack, and everyone else is just a poser. We got so close over the first two weeks, but during the adventure tour some of us drifted and made new friends- not because we were any less close with each other, but greatly because I guess we were just into different things. The surfing lesson was just all of US in the water and it was so special, to be out there in the water making a fool of myself with all my friends who I've loved for a month now.

Then we had awhile before the bus departed, so we went out to eat at a restaraunt because we hadn't all sat down together in about a week or so. BABE, I FINALLY GOT AN AVOCADO SALAD. It was avacado and crumbled mushroom with balsamic something or other and it kind of changed my life, just like the veggie kebab, and now I LOVE mushrooms and I love avocadoes even more, and basically you really need to make me that salad when I get home.

Anyway,we just sat around just chilling till it was time for the bus ride. It was our last time with our bus driver, Tony, who was going to be reunited with his wife for the first time in six months. I hung out in front and spoke to him for awhile. I hate that you meet such awesome people and then you have to let them go. Really.. it's sad :-( The overnight bus ride, though, as usual sucked. I sat next to Kristi and we watched Dumb and Dumber and laughed and talked into the night, and at some points I dozed off but at most points I didn't. I was very much looking forward to showering once we got back to the hostel (the hostel where we previously spent a night in Sydney :]) BUT WE COULDN'T CHECK IN TILL TWELVE. Seriously?!?! After an overnight bus ride?

Well we made the best of it. Half the Fanny pack and I finally walked to the Harbor Bridge and the Opera House. We took tons of pictures and took a nap in the sun on the lookout point, then climbed 200 MORE stairs to get to a higher lookout point where we could see the bridge. We looped into the opera house, around, through the botanic gardens, and then we ate and went back to the hotel. When we reached the opera house steps, Andrew suggested Rocky'ing them EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE ONLY LIKE TWENTY STEPS. There is a video of us running up the stairs with the Rocky theme music playing not in the movie, but in each of our heads, and jumping when we get to the top.

We finally showered when we got back and I collapsed. Every muscle in my body hurts in ways I never thought possible. Doing yoga on a foam board in water really wasn't working for my body today, all the laughing caught up with my abs, and sleeping on the bus did little to make me feel better and our walk really took the cake. Showers in Wake up! Sydney Central are dorm style, so there's four showers for each floor. I waited till Leanne and Briana went in, and then Kristi and I joined them.

What I've noticed about a great deal of places in Australia is that water can either be freezing cold or scalding hot. Here's how our shower went:
Me: [As I walk into the bathroom]: HI LOVERS
Leanne+Brianna: Hiiii!
[Kristi and I get in the shower]
[Leanne and Brianna scream in unison[
L: HOLY SHIT MY SHOWER'S FREEZING
B: My shower's SCALDING IT JUST BURNED ME
R: OH MY GOD MY SHOWER IS SO COLD
Kristi: My showers perfect!
....
L: OW!!!!
R: EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!! HOT!! HOT!!! WHO ADJUSTED THEIR TAP??
K: OKAY, MY SHOWER IS NOW ICE!!
[Delceta walks into the bathroom]
D: Everyone in the hall is wondering what the hell is going on in here.
[Exit Delceta]
B: OH MY GOD MY SHOWER IS SO HOT
L: MY SHOWER JUST TURNED COLD
R: My shower's perfect.
L: Okay, NOBODY adjust their water now.
B: I'm getting out.
The rest of us: NO PLEASE NO
B: I HAVE TO!!
[Everyone else's perfect shower is destroyed once more, but somehow we adjust back]
[a few minutes later..]
R: Kristi I hate to do this, but I'm getting out. I'm warning you!!
K: I'M READY!!! I'm getting out too!!
And that is how, all four of us in towels and underarmour made the walk of shame back to our room.

We then spent the next hour primping for the Sydney Harbor cruise, where we cruised around Sydney Harbor at sunset during a buffet. I took George, so I could take pictures of him by the bridge and the opera house. The fanny pack understood. Everyone else kind of looked at me. "You have to know her," Leanne said.

I really want to post pictures, but the computers in WakeUp are REALLY difficult and neither me nor Brianna can figure out any way to which is sad. Anyway, that's all for now, and I was also dubbed Jasmine during a drinking game that I just happened to walk in on. Can't say that I mind. :)

YES I FIGURE OUT A WAY TO POST PICTURES

I swear I took sexy pictures of everyone and then they made me pose. It's because I told everyone to imagine that I was Leonardo DiCaprio. Apparently that doesn't do it for some people. Apparently Leo isn't in a rainbow bathing suit.

That was the cruise tonight, as well as my new shirt.

Georgie chillin by the opera house and the bridge you know just hanging out.

He's looking in awe at the opera house.

That was the opera house this morning, and me after the overnight bus ride still salty and uncomfortable from surfing.

I set my timer for this :) It's only half of us, and no one else was there so we were safe. We are SO winning the ISV photo competition!

And yes, I bought a Byron Bay sweatshirt. I had a GREAT time at that surf school.

STONED LOLCAT for Amrita. It ran up to me and started humping my leg and purring.

Us on trash bag night.

That's when we climbed a cliff. I was sitting on the edge of a cliff, no different from before. Well, the last one ended in a canyon, this one would have ended in the ocean crashing onto jagged rocks.

Whatever. I was more than okay with it.

This is the off-the-ocean pool I was dying to swim in ever since I got here.

That was my incredible temporary tattoo. I say WAS because, despite loads of baby powder, it did NOT survive surfing and washed off in just a mere 3 days :( :(

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:58:24 GMT

My time in Byron Bay is drawing to an end. The first night that we were here, we went shopping for the first time since we've been in Australia, save for a few souvenier shopping ventures at an Asian market in Sydney. I bought a tank top, two bags and a $5 skirt. There is SO much Hindu stuff here it's so weird to not buy it all, but it's kind of expensive which is annoying. Then, as we walked around town, we saw all these 'Sale' signs and we decided that we really had to shop the hell out of this town. We then found a temp. tattoo place, and I was idly glancing at it and then I found the tattoo I've ALWAYS wanted- a fierce tiger leaping. I've ALWAYS wanted to get that on my chest. It was $25 but I decided to screw it and I got it, and I asked her to add as many colors as possible. She was a little hesitant because she thought it would look weird, but I was insistent and it came out omg so amazing and I'm so excited about it. Unfortunately, no one believed for a split second that it was real even though I tried to say that it was. When my mom called, I said "Hey mom I got a tattoo," and she said "Oh.. Ruchi do you have enough money?" and I said ".......Really? I JUST TOLD YOU I GOT A TATTOO." and she said "Well, I think you mean a temporary one, and that's fine, and if you don't there's nothing I can do about it now anyway if you already have it." Sigh.

The next day we had a free day. We woke up and the fanny pack voluntarily went on ANOTHER hike through a rainforest to get to the lighthouse at sunrise. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and it completely changed my life. Four of us also wanted to go to Nimbin. Nimbin is a town completely and solely devoted to marijuana. Seriously. Everything in that tiny town is devoted to the selling, encouraging, and worshipping of pot. The cops really don't care except for a few raids now and then to keep up appearances, and on Mardi Gras they make a giant bong and march it to the police station on a bus. I HAD to go. And so we wnet, and ate at the Rainbow Cafe, and I played in a sandbox, and I bought SO MUCH marijuana paraphernelia. I have a cookbook and a bunch of souvenier packs and stuff. I'm not sure if I should give one to Anj and Nick or to Dennis. I really can't stand Den but he would enjoy it so much. I have a feeling I should probably give it to Anj and Nick. There was so much Hindu stuff!! I got offered pot and special cookies every five seconds, and everyone was so friendly. Every animal was stoned, and I took a few pictures of an LOLcat that will make Amrita pee her pants. It was such a chill, hippie place and the museum had a $2 entry fee but it said "Go in anyway!!" I paid and the guy in front looked shocked. The fumes REALLY got to my head after two and a half hours though. There was a store called Bring-A-Bong with the Billabong logo.

When we got back we got our tarot cards read, and I got a picture of my aura taken. I've always been a little scared to have that done, but I did it anyway, and I'm so glad I did it.. I had all my friends right in the next room so it wasn't that scary. The tarot guy told me I'm bubbly, charming and effervescent but that's all on the surface. He said I'm really practical and grounded but people often underestimate me a great deal but I'm okay with that because I don't show my achievments. The best part was, he told me that I'm an iron fist in a velvet glove- I look soft and sweet, but if I want something, it's MINE. I will get it. He told me that I need a guys total attention, and I need to be the center of everything (which I thought was a little harsh!!) The first question I asked was "Am I getting into medical school?" And I pulled a card which means good fortune in the future, and auspiciousness which was good, but then I pulled a 'fear' card, so I have severe fear rearding it. The last card, which I kept pulling the entire time, meant whatever happens will be for the best.

In terms of Zach I pulled a card that he said he didn't have words for- the high priestess (I guess I'm used to being worshipped). He said that we have such meshable energies and we are so powerful together that it was nothing more than fate that had brought us together and we have a very powerful relationship :). I drew a card for Dennis and it turned out to mean that he's a very good guy, but my competitive nature won't let him go and I have to do that. (I coulda told him that!) Zach and I may break up in the future which sucks.. apparently there'll be a power shift. But I'm goin to have the most difficult year yet (MCATs woot) but I'm goin to pull through really powerfully because this is the most auspicious year yet. I got really teary during the reading because I felt like he knew so much about me without ever really talking to me. My aura is NOT yellow, as I always thought it was, it's purple, blue and greenish. It means that I'm 'open to new information', 'extremely spiritual and intuitive', 'compassionate' and gentle.. that was the jist. Also I'm confused about something and something's on my shoulders, but now that I found out I'm getting into med school that weight ought to be lifted.

My time is running out so I have to go. Today we shopped more and I spent way too much money for the first time on this trip. I have so many new clothes and bags. But it's really the first time I've bought clothes so it shouldn't be too bad. I'm going surfing (Uh-oh) well, havin surfing lessons with everyone in a couple of hours. Tonight it's off to Sydney, and then on Friday, it's off to Fiji. And then the dream ends.

,,,but i miss Zach

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 10:41:41 GMT

OH MY GOD.

The bus ride to Airlie beach wasn't that bad. It was twelve hours, but once we got there I was really grateful that it was only a two person room. No matter how much I love the fanny pack, it was just time for me to be alone, and by that I mean with Del. I get very anxious with all the moving around that we do. I hate packing up and relocating every two days and it just makes me anxious and with all the PTSD I've been dealin with I couldn' take it, so I just crawled to my top bunk and cried. What I liked was that rather than ten people having to deal with it, Delceta just crawled up to my bed and asked if I was ok. I said "Yeah, it's just the constant changes," truthfully enough and she unerstood.

Soon afterwards, we left to go to this opal store. The people that own it are amazing!! They love ISV because we come and pay to work in their country so they give us enormous discounts- like 500 dollar didgeridoos for 200. Um, not that I could afford that anyway. Aboriginal art, though, runs for about 60 bucks and ever since the aboriginal guy that I almost flirted with (Sorry babe) told me that in aboriginal symbols I would be a platypus (it means unusual and one of a kind) I wanted a painting of a platypus. When the people heard that, THEY GAVE ME A PAINTING FOR 30. It's getting framed- and they just 'threw in' a beautiful white opal.

I went home early because I wasn't in the mood to stay out at a bar not drinking. I limboed low though and won my friends a free drink. Well, one drink, which I gave to one friend. Then I walked home slowly with Del and this girl Athena. I was SO FREAKIN EXCITED for the next day. We were ocean rafting to whitehaven beach, which has the whitest sand in the world.

Ocean rafting was freezing because you're in an open boat that's ZOOMING along the water. We stopped by at an aboriginal cave on an island, but oh my god Whitehaven beach. The sand is almost pue silicone, so that basically meant that not only was it beautiful and white, but when I stepped off the boat I felt like I was walking on clay. I washed my hair with it. Yes, I scraped white sand through my hair and dunked my head ino crystal clear water to wash it off. I even brushed my teeth with it, and every single one of us did the same. We exfoliated the hell out of each other and our skin has never been SO silky smooth. Not to mention it was so relaxing to lay on that incredible sand on that blue, blue water.

After we left, we went snorkeling again on the Great Barrier Reef. I made up for lost time :) so far south of where we originally snorkelled. It was INCREDIBLE. It's like a whole different world down there. Just two feet down and you're in a quiet world full of coral. At one point, I thought I saw a really long piece of garbage so I dove down to get it. Thank God I didn't touch it because it was A HUGE STINGRAY. The stinger must have been taller than me, and the body was hiding underneath coral with only its eyes showing. I saw a smaller stingray also buried under the sand. I chased so many fish around, brightly colored and they hid in coral peeking out at me. I cut my foot on some coral. It's very shallow but it's annoying because my flip flops constantly rub against it. I saw a freaking shark and I TOUCHED it while tryin to take a picture. WHILE MY FOOT WAS BLEEDING. OH MY GOD.

On the way back from that, our ocean raft saw the other ocean raft and they had a war where we swung vertical and did all these loopy tricks. IT WAS SCARY AS HELL. After that, we ate and jumped on an overnight bus ride to Fraser Island ferry, where there was no doctor, pharmacy, phone or internet. I felt like I was going to be in a certain Leo DiCaprio movie. The bus ride was uncomfortable and I didn't really sleep at all.

Fraser Island, oh my god. THE WHOLE THING was a beach. Just one giant beach. Our hotel room was a two minute walk from the beach. We went swimming when we got there (which was nice and refreshing after that killer bus ride) and it was a lake filled with pure rainwater and even whiter sand. We also swam later on that day in an emerald green lake. That night, the bar was five steps from our room. However, I WAS EXHAUSTED and I don' really drink anyway. I was playing Never have I Ever with Coke with everyone (they had alcohol) and apparently I passed out right in the middle of a round and did not wake up all night, no matter how loud they got.

Awesome. The next day, we went on a tour of the island. I took an additional plane ride around the island and from above we saw dolphins and whales, along with the entirety of Fraser Island. I walked through Eli Creek and we stopped in the cliffs of colored sand. Technically, though I collect it, you're not supposed to take sand from any of these places. I was told we wouldn't even be allowed to stop at the colored sand place so I didn't bring a bottle, because I always manage to sneak sand anyway. BUT WE DID SO I GRABBED A ROCK OF SAND. When we got back, I ground it into sand with a knife on a plate.

We also saw the Maheno shipwreck and stopped at the Champagne pools, which was what I've wanted to see since the beginning. It's basically volcanic rock that's right off the ocean, so you can swim in it while the ocean crashes RIGHT behind you. It's beautiful, and peaceful, and incredible. You can't swim in the ocean here because of sharks and crocodiles, so it was nice to sort of swim in it.

That night, the bar threw a party for us where we had to make outfits out of garbage bags. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. We all ended up looking really good and I have pictures. The fanny pack (six of us at least) did kareoke to Livin La Vida Loca. Del said I looked like a psycho rock star, and when Zach finally called me when I returned to civilization this morning he said that is how I always look. WE HAD SO MUCH FUN THOUGH.

I am now in Byron Bay and this laptop is hard to type on, so I will type more tomorrow. Seriously, though?

I pretty much couldn't be any happier. And for good measure, here's a picture.

And now, the post you've all been waiting for..

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 12:39:13 GMT

the one with like five pictures. :)

Today we went white water rafting on the Tully river. I had never been before, and it was FREEZING.. somewhere around fifty degrees, and it was rainy. And I hate putting drenched wetsuits on, it's so uncomfortable. I was a little nervous with going over rocks and rapids but I was pretty excited too and I figured it couldn't be worse than scuba diving anyway, right? RIGHT.

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN OH MY GOD. We went so fast and the river ran straight through a rainforest. You would think that after the past two weeks I'd be rainforest-ed out, but I wasn't- not today. There were so many beautiful waterfalls and OH MY GOD the rapids were intense. "This next rapid is called foreplay. It starts nice and slow, and then it builds and builds. So hopefully we'll all go through it a little wetter and screaming, but better off for it in the end." (And we did). I was freezing though, I didn't stop shaking the whole time. The guide was worried about me, but it was kind of embarassing to have all the attention focused on cold little Ruchi. Also, my collarbone started hurting again out of nowhere. However, it was the most adrenaline filled thing I have ever done because I was responsible for all that happened and it was AWESOME. Our boat never flipped except when out guide intentionally flipped it and pushed us out (which was annoying at the time but in the end was funny.) We had the option of jumping off a 15 foot cliff, but that I've done before in summer camp and I wasn't about to do it freezing my ass off and wearing a life jacket. It was AMAZING, though. And since it's our last night in Cairns, we walked around and souvenier shopped a bit and got some gelato. We got lost on the way to the gelato place :( ]

I'm currently waiting for more pictures to upload from Del's camera, because while I love Delli she's not exactly reliable so if I don't get them directly from her I don't know if I'll ever get them at all. So I've decided to type more about the volunteer aspect of this trip. Everything in the house was dirty, and apparently, Australians (or at least my team leader) do dishes differently. Meaning they fill the sink with water and a drop of soap, dunk the dish in, and put it in the drain. Leaving all the crap from that dish floating around in the sink that you're going to wash the next one in. OH MY GOD it was gross. My project leader was a real downer, too, that didn't help anything. She followed a lot of the same principles that I did- like vegetarianism and not buying anything from sweatshops, but she PUSHED everyone to do the same and stressed it so much. AT ONE POINT, she went through the garbage can and pulled out Styafoam cups that everyone had used and made us wash them out to conserve the environment. We're talking DOVE INTO THE GARBAGE CAN. Also, Briana killed a bug with her glove (a mosquito) and she asked for new gloves because we were SERVING FOOD TO CHILDREN. Lilli said that the gloves were 'only for sanitary purposes and bugs didn't really matter'. That was so gross because MOSQUITOS ARE VECTORS FOR DISEASE.

Tomorrow we're leaving for Airlie beach. We're ocean rafting the day after to Whitehaven beach which has THE WHITEST SAND IN THE WORLD. I am SO excited. I'm not sure how much time I'll have in the upcoming days though, so this might be the last time I update for awhile. SO here are pictures.

White water rafting was intense. I'm on the bottom left. I wish you could see my face. It's so funny. I was naughty and took a picture of a picture because there's no way I was paying 40 bucks. I hate swimming with a life jacket and a wetsuit; you have no ability to move whatsoever and it's really frustrating. I can't even describe how much fun it was though. I was thinking about not even going because I'm not strong and I was really tired and I knew how cold I'd be but I'm so glad I did it. It's something I wouldn't think I could do if I hadn't done it and survived. Some of those rapids were HIGH and some were incredibly rough and it was SO fun going over them.

Again, I was naughty and took a picture of a picture. But I bought one where I was actually riding the horse. I figured it was justified since all the framed pictures of me in my house are either from when i was a ballerina or from this weird Stepford wives photo shoot my mom and I got for ten bucks in Duane Reade. Either way, they're all between the ages of 3 and 10 and it just won't do anymore.

During my volunteer project we went on so many hikes. Through rainforests and up cliffs. That particular one was through a rainforest AND up a cliff. Let me tell you hiking is something you THINK you can do until you do it and then suddenly you're panting frantically up 500 steps while hating life and swearing that you will never do any such thing again until you do it the next day. Somehow, it was all worth it to finish reading the Ender series up on top of a cliff with my feet dangling off a precipice.

Can you believe that's me? Yeah, I can't either. It's only because I have such an amazing group of friends holding my hand.

Crispy M&Ms. OH MY GOD.

Sydney. <3

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:26:04 GMT

Today I woke up and I couldn't talk to Zach when he called because the connection sucked and I was really sad because I had been waiting to talk to him ever since the sad time yesterday. I was so disappointed, but everyone was really supportive even though I haven't cried. At any rate, today I went horseback riding in the mountains through a rainforest in the Australian outback. We didn't canter :( but we trotted down and up hills (which was intense). We FINALLY SAW A WALLABY!!! It was relaxing and beautiful and I formed a really strong connection with my horse, so it was exactly what I needed. We went through small, clear streams and up hills and wove through trees for about three hours and it was just incredible. My horse had issues with the horse in front of it, though. The instructor kept warning me to pull him in and leave space, but at one point the horse in front of me turned around and bit my horse, and my horse REARED up, with me clinging for dear life, spun around in a 360 and started attempting to run away. I reined him in, but it was intense!! I could have punched that horse for hurting my poor dear horse. At the farm, which was CALLED BLAZING SADDLES OH MY GOD (that made me so happy i can't even tell you) we saw a sheep and her baby lamb, lots of goats and chickens, a dog, and TWO PEACOCKS. The peacock strutted his stuff for the female and let me tell you if I was that female I would have mated with him, but she just ignored him.

I love horseback riding.. I think I'll do it more when I get home; just rent a horse in Central Park and go. It's only 40 bucks there, whereas it was 112 here. Ridiculous. Tomorrow we're waking up at 5 to go white water rafting. I'm nervous!!! AND I smell like horse and AUSSIE BUSH. It's time for a shower.

parts of from an email. i cant bring myself to retype it in entry form.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:53:23 GMT

today we went to the great barrier reef. snorkeling was free, but it was so easy.. you just lay on your face in the water and breathe through a piece. its just swimming. for an extra 80 bucks you could enhance your experience and go scuba diving, even if you had never been before as an introducotry dive. i was thinking about it, and i decided to go for it and just DO it cause im probably only going to be at the reef once in my life and i should do it and so many people (even zach) told me that scuba diving is the best thing you could ever do and its so easy and its no problem as long as you remember to breathe. delceta agreed to do it with me too.

only, the day before we went, i started getting really nervous and freaking out about things that didnt make any sense, like money and phone cards and candy. i had to really sit there and figure out what was really bothering me, and i realized that
1) it was swimming with freaking sharks.
2) i lost my dad to the water and i was putting myself out there to lose myself the same way too, even though thats unrealistic because it would be with a professional.

once i realized that though it only made me want to go more so i could truly conquer my fears. i wanted to DO it, i wanted to emerge from 30 feet deep and be like i DID it and im over it and i feel healed. but we got that intro dive lesson and it didnt really comfort me. all i kept thinking was 'people spend a week learning this and im getting it in five minutes?' but everyone with me was an intro diver too and i was really, really determined.

they didnt have a face mask that fit me, really- thats when i started having doubts. then, when they strapped the scuba tank on me i almost fell over. that was the second thing. then wehn i got into the water, delceta immediately said 'i cant do this im sorry ruchi' and left. then i started wanting to leave.

i went down the first time just five feet and it was so uncomfortable breathing with the mouth piece. i could breathe, but i wasnt okay with it, i wasnt used to it, and i felt so unsafe and all i could think was 'oh my god, this is how my dad felt, only worse. this is what he went through when he was dying, and i was right on the other side of the pool.' by this time, my desire to do this was pretty much nill, but my determination was even more. i went down another five feet and the pressure in my ears was killing me and since the face mask was too bi g(which t urned out to be a blessing in disguise) i couldnt pinch my nose and neutralize the pressure, so i had to go back up. it was okay though... every one of the other four people in my group backed out too. some people made it through as intro divers (more than i thought would, in fact) but.. i wasnt one of them. i backed out. i chickened out and i couldnt do it and i felt like shit.

out of everything, achieving that, especially when i understood why i was afraid of it meant so much to me and i couldnt do it.

I realized afterwards that it was Fathers Day for us in Australia. For me it has now been 13 years since he died and I guess on some level that's why I chose to do this today. But I didn't do this today. I couldn't achieve it, and all I wanted to do was cry and cry but I put on a happy face and I went to the beach and I went on a party bus and I even went snorkelling and I had a fucking amazing day.

I went snorkelling and I saw a reef shark (so I DID swim with a reef shark) (and I survived and I was fine) and I waved to a fish and it bit me and the most beautiful electric colored fish (a whole school of them) swam around me. I saw so much coral, and I even went down in a submarine and saw 3 sea turtles. So many surgeon fish and even one fish that looked like it wore eyeliner. It was incredible, even though I didn't become a denizen of the deep. But I have never, ever been so disappointed in myself.

Then we went on the party bus which I thought would suck because I don't really drink and the bus took us to five different bars around town with discounted drinks, but I stuck with my friends and I danced and made a complete fool of myself, especially when they played The Proclaimers and All the Small Things. The fifth bar sucked because everyone (except my friends) was completely drunk in a shoulder-to-shoulder environment. People were spilling drinks, cursing and taking clothes off. I actually danced on a freaking table. I DANCED. ON A FREAKING TABLE.

Then one of my closest friends here needed to talk, just when I had scheduled in the cry that I desparately needed into my night, and I was out trying to talk to her for THREE hours. And it's one of those talks that goes around in circles because I can't achieve anything and I can't achieve anything because I need to cry and so to keep myself occupied I made mental comparisons on my emotional reactions to tofu and chocolate while for all intents and purposes keeping up this conversation.

I just... the Great Barrier Reef was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Period. In my entire life. It was absolutely incredible and I'm in love. But I'm also very disappointed in myself. And I wish Dr. Palmer was here.

And I wish my dad hadn't died the way he did. But he did. Thirteen years ago today.

And when I put myself through even a few minutes of what he went through, I came right back up. Because I couldn't handle it. And he had to. He was forced to. Until the bitter end.

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:06:51 GMT

Ohhh my god.

Tomorrow I'm scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef. I will be 30 feet underwater, playing with fishies and staring at coral, with an underwater camera and lots of colorful wildlife around me. I'm soo scared (cuz I've never been scuba diving before) but I AM SO PSYCHED OH MY GOD. On Monday, I'm going horseback riding in the Outback through a forest and touching on a rainforest through a farm CALLED BLAZING SADDLES (OMG). And then I'm going white water rafting. I can't believe this is my life.

The volunteer project ended very satisfyingly. The education center we helped to build and create and decorate was unveiled to the public, and little kids came and sang songs about being wildlife warriors and it made me a little teary eyed. The speaker (a rocker from the 60s) compared it to.. XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS. My jaw dropped and I lit up like a Christmas tree, and every one of my friends immediately looked at me and smiled.
It was so cold in Blackheath, and with no central heating I didn't think I could survive. But I did it, I made it. I was cold, and uncomfortable, and I had to do a job that I didn't like and ultimately didn't find completely satisfying. But I did my job, (more on my supervisor when I get home because I hate wasting internet time on gripes) and I did it well, and I adapted to not showering every day and wearing dirty clothes. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and I DID it. And tomorrow, I'm scuba diving with SHARKS. This is IT. This is honestly proving to myself who I am and who I'm going to be.

I miss Zach so much tonight. I haven't missed him very much on this trip simply because I've been so busy, running around like a chicken without a head. During our project, we went on so many wilderness hikes. I thought I could do a hike BUT I WAS WRONG. I climbed up five. hundred. steps to see the most beautiful valley I've ever seen in my life. I climbed down into a canyon where there were no steps, but only large, slippery rocks and tree roots to see glow worms... and hiked back up in the dark. I climbed to the top of a cliff and dangled my feet off of it while looking at the other most beautiful valley I've ever seen. I did all this in the rain, I did it in the cold, I did it in the cool sun. I did so much. And I made eight amazing, incredibly beautiful friends on the way. They are so supportive and I couldn't ask for more. Really. I couldn't ask for more.

Last night, as we left Blackheath, it was a little strange to leave such a small town because I'm so used to the cities and the lulls of the country were kind of nice, to be honest. I didn't belong, but it was peaceful. Two of us cooked every night, and two of us did dishes and the food was probably some of the best food I have ever had. But once we got in the plane.. it was incredible. I never get such an adrenaline rush as I do when we taxi down a runway. It's such an amazing feeling, and lifting off... and then I'm always the one with my nose pressed against a window, star counting all that way up in the air.

Touching down in Cairnes, walking through the airport with all my friends, it made me feel so independent. Getting ready with all of them and collapsing in our beds and just reading and sleeping in the same room and knowing each other well enough for six of us to share the same SHOWER, that was such a big deal. And finally, 75 degree weather. I appreciate it so much more now.

Today we went to visit an aboriginal community. I was afraid that they would make it a gaudy tourist attraction, and that fear seemed to be realized when everyone IMMEDIATELY started taking pictures of the aboriginal speaking. But he was incredible as well- he taught us songs, and then translated them into English. They showed us videos on their beliefs, and explained it in terms everyone could understand. We even threw a boomerang (and mine ALMOST came back!!!) While I was waiting, I spoke to him for awhile and he was very nice. He travelled a lot in his life, and wanted to be a teacher. And they asked for volunteers, AND ME AND AMANDA VOLUNTEERED. We 'danced' and 'started a fire' (if you can call it that) in front of everyone in the audience, hand in hand with them.

Seriously. Could life get any better than this?

Oh yeah. It could. Zach could be here. :(

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 12:05:16 GMT

I can't get over how friendly everyone is here. It's our second night at the bars and the clubs, only today we're in the big city. Yesterday I was so tired I couldn't see straight and a really creepy guy (who looked just like Dennis) (and who was actually on heroin) latched onto me and wouldn't leave me alone and I ended up having to dance with him. He asked us if we were from a Christian day camp, and we said yes, and he just stared at us. HAHAHA. We made a plethora of other friends too, one of whom kissed me on the cheek and ONE CREEPY GERMAN GUY WHO TRIED TO GRAB MY BOOB OMG I can't remember if I wrote about that here. They were all fun..

Today we just headed down to the bar after a totally exhausting day painting the town. I don't like drinking, the taste doesn't suit me nor does my tolerance suit anyone in my presence, so I just get a coke usually (unhealthy just the same) and today a whole table of guys befriended us. The fact that I'm from Brooklyn is usually a conversation starter. There was only ONE song I knew and it was so loud in there, and I like singing along and I hate having to lean in and whisper in boys ears because they can't hear me otherwise. I decided I would head upstairs and sleep and turn in early, and three guys were like "No please stay," and one of them kissed me on the cheek and the other KISSED MY HAND WTF. So now I don't know whether to go back down or stay up here. Maybe I'll go back down? I could go for laying in my gorgeous dorm style room and reading. That's more who I am anyway.

This morning on the train, I spontaneously thought of Crispy M&Ms and wondered why the hell they would ever discontinue anything so wonderful and everyone was like "WTF I have no idea why they did that either," because everyone else forgot about them too.. today we found, only in Australia, tons of crispy M&Ms, HOW WEIRD IS THAT. I guess I subconsciously saw them without noticing or something. Seriously though they were $2.50 here, and I found a Starbucks and hot chocolate was $4.15 and it wasn't even good- not chocolatey at all.

I walked around and UNDERNEATH sharks today. My friends held my hands really tightly and took lots of pictures of me with sharks and apparently that symbolically represented me overcoming my fear. Whatever, I was petrified the whole time but I walked out feeling incredibly liberated. They wanted to do the glass bottom boat, but that was where I drew the line.

No central heating and chilling with sharks and bars and nightclubs and inadvertently flirting with boys I've never met. Out of my comfort zone, indeed.

To the bar or to my room!??!?

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 01:24:10 GMT

I'm so glad I get a chance to update livejournal! There are no internet cafes really in Blackheath, the town where I'm staying, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Of course I spent the day before I left freaking out and panicking and not sleeping, because that's just the way that I am. On the plane, I was so scared and I wanted to cry.. I took the plane to LA to meet the group flight. I sat next to someone who had a script in his hand for the TV show Entourage, and I asked him if he was an actor. He gave me a disgruntled look (I mean, it was 630 A.M) and he said "I'm an ACTOR on Entourage."

Not being familiar with the TV show, the fact that he was Marvin meant nothing to me but he was really nice and though he seemed a bit brusque he warmed up to me, and it was nice to sit next to him because he was really encouraging and he was like "You're going to have a GREAT time." I helped him rehearse his lines and he said he'd stop by and come see me at the Bodies exhibit, beacause he works half and half in NY and CA. He's from Brooklyn, so as we flew over it he pointed out things from his childhood and I smiled, because they were things from my childhood too.. in fact some of them I had only done the week before. :)

I was so scared about being in LAX all alone and having to catch a bus by myself, but I DID IT. Easily. And when I got there everyone was so friendly that we all took the bus and went to the beach in LA and it was amazing. Not to mention when I got back to the hotel where the orientation meeting was I MET PHIL and it was so nice to see him for the first time in three years!! I love him so much and hugging him felt so good, I was shocked that he came to meet me. He encouraged me too and convinced me that it would be a good experience. Still, I didn't believe him.

At the orientation meeting we were informed that our flight would be delayed till the next day, which I didn't mind at all truthfully because it meant another few hours of being on the phone with Zach and adjusting to the situation and a night in a nice, paid for four star hotel. I also got to meet my group and they were SO cool.. I couldn't have asked for better. At the very beginning we bonded so closely and agreed to meet each other downstairs in ten minutes and silently agreed to always stick together. We got meal vouchers for fifty bucks from the hotel, so we all ate for like THREE HOURS and the restaraunt messed up my order a bit. They brought me pasta with sausage and EVERYONE, although they had just met me hours ago, yelled "SHE DIDN'T ORDER THAT!!"

The plane ride was incredible because it was so unfilled that we each got our own row in the plane. I lay down, picked up the next book in Ender's Game, turned on Sweeney Todd and got served hot chocolate, fruit, pasta, gum, or anything else I could have wanted every ten minutes. Fourteen hours has never gone by in five minutes before, until that plane ride. Once we got there though it was like midnight Sydney time and we drove to our house which was 2 hours away.

It was a shock for all the American girls (and one boy!!) when we discovered that there was no central heating. It's in the mountains, so it's FUCKING COLD. I am SO glad I brought thermals and my pink jacket because I would have been in the hospital momentarily without it. As it was the inside temperature was equal to the outside, and my electric blanket didn't work and the bed was so cold so halfway through the first miserable depressing night I crawled into Delceta's bed, consoling myself with the thought that it was 'Only one more month.'

The next day we drew up a dinner menu for the week because we cook in pairs each night and the house is so old and the electricity doesn't really work and it's kind of grimy and really cold so it was really scary to cook. But everyone has cooked over the week and everything has turned out fine. Mine and Briana's was eggplant parm and we couldn't buy bread crumbs, so we just scrapped the bread crumbs, made up our own recipe, and prayed.. and it turned out great. I'm going to start cooking when I get home!!

At the volunteer project, we hike every day and weed to conserve the beautiful rainforest. I have never climbed a mountain before to see so many valleys and mountains underneath and in the distance. I have never hiked through a rainforest (I've never been aware that holly is a weed..) I can't even describe how beautiful it is, and most importantly, how close the group that I'm lucky enough to be with is. We all stick together and we all share some heavy really deep things that I have never told anyone in my life, but they're there through all of it.

Our project leader at work is extremely strict and tells us what to do more than we would like, and she spoke to me one time when I stopped off online for two minutes like I was four years old and I was annoyed, but ironically she's incredible when we're off work. After work we go to the pub, where I still don't really drink but I'll grab a Coke and chill out with everyone and we laugh and talk about the day, about life, about Australia.. last night, we went out to "Ten dollar steak night" and then we went to a bar, where we met a LOT of Aussie guys (who were really cool except one was on heroin) and one German guy who tried to grab my boob (YUCK!). When that happened, everyone immediately got up and we headed to the nightclub. Those guys followed us, and I actually danced at a club for the first time in my life- if you can call it dancing.

Not to mention we took off from that house (which didn't turn out to be so bad, we got used to the cold a bit with fireplaces) and booked a hostel in Sydney for the weekend. That's where we are now. Everyone's taking a bit of a nap, and then we're off to the amusement park, to shop, the convicts museum, the beach, the watchtower, dinner and MORE clubs.

I'm so happy. I never realized how close you could be with people after just a week, but we're such a team and I love them all to death and it's really nice that my old roomie from Rome is here. I've never been so inspired.. I love it here. Although my legs hurt from all the hikes.. city girls DON'T hike.

:-)

Tue, 27 May 2008 01:44:11 GMT

Australia, two and days and counting. Nervous? Check. Anxious? Check. Antsy? Check.

This is not last year; this is not Italy. This is not me chilling in a hotel, doing whatever I want and stretching out my legs in a sunny sidewalk cafe in the midst of a bustling piazza. This is not me shopping and taking the metro with friends who I'll come to know, love and keep close to my heart in the years to come.

This is going to WORK and volunteer in the cold cold weather; cooking my own meals instead of having the hotel provide three times a day. Ouch. This is being active, running and hiking and biking and planting in the cold. Excited? Well, maybe a little.

Traveling is a perk of life, but so is having a place to call home; so is having a best friend who loves you, so is the cool air of Brooklyn.

Sara and I headed out to the beach this morning. The freedom of being able to drive there in Sara's car was a nice refresher from transferring twice on the public pus; finding a parking spot; however- not so liberating. The parking lot was ten bucks, which was unjust. So we drove around for a full thirty minutes, trying to find a spot. We finally found one, and it was the tightest spot I have ever seen anyone pull into. Sara is brave. Not to mention, there were three rude people staring at us and giving us nasty looks. Seriously?? If this is your car, and you're concerned about it, BACK THE FUCK UP. If not- mind your own damn business.

Though we ended up a bit farther from the curb than usual, a nice guy told us we were perfect. And we headed off to the beach.

We sat close to the water and the wind blew us away, literally. We struggled through ten minutes with our eyes squeezed shut while the sand crept into every crevice on or within us. After about five minutes and sand in our hummus, I stated that we were not having fun.

We left. We went to the diner, split a sandwich, and headed back home.

We then decided to go rollerblading. So Sara bladed while I walked back to my house to get rollerblades. Halfway there, Sa's foot hurt. So instead, I just said hey to my mom and walked back to Sara's house. We decided to be active and walk around Marine Park.

It was Sara's long-lived desperation to run, really. She insisted that we run, which with my super-tangled beach hair, my sore feet and my cranky attitude I was not equipped to do. But she grabbed my hand and pulled me along. We couldn't stop laughing for long, though- we knew we looked retarded- and so we stopped. And started. And stopped. And started. And then someone threw a tennis ball in our direction, accidentally. So we tried our hand at handball.

I perfected a few moves- the swing in a 360 degree circle, the reach with both hands, and the "I got it!!" As we consistently swung at the ball and missed, I began to beg to go him.

Sara would have none of it.

"Sa," I said, as I reached above my head and swung at the ball that had already sailed over my outstretched fingers, "Aren't you tired?"
"No Ruchi!! I'm counting to five consistent hits!!" Sara's eyes were wide and her smile was bordering on manic, as she chased the tennis ball out of the court. "I got it!!"
I eventually managed to get us out of the court. We attempted to jog back to the car, but I couldn't handle it. Finally we got back home, laughed out, exercised out (except Sara, who drove home like a fiend with excitement) and I told Sa's mom exactly what I thought of her. She didn't even flinch.

It was such a Brooklyn day. The cool air in Marine Park, the people out jogging or walking or doing Pilates in the grass, the sunset behind the Marine Park trees. And consistently Sara and me yelling at each other, laughing at each other- for thirteen years now.

The Life of Ruchi and Zach, Part II

Sun, 04 May 2008 19:28:22 GMT

Two weeks ago Zach had a show in the city and I didn't go because I had to study and I was also very sick. Zach showed up with soup and tea later. But he has to park in the Union because for some stupid reason he's not allowed to park in the residential lot between the hours of 7 am and 4 pm, so he had to move his car once he got here. On the walk to the Union...
Ruchi: ::stops in the deli and buys ice cream::
Zach: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!??!
R: I want ice cream.
Z: You can't have ice cream, you're sick!!
R: Please?!!? PLEASE!?!? I WANT ICE CREAM I WANT ICE CREAM I WANT ICE CREAM-
::R and Z fight for some five minutes. R wins. As usual:::
Z: Ice cream will just make you more mucousy and sick and cold. It's freezing outside, you know.
::We pushed the door of the Union open, and were greeted with a gust of icy wind which not only blew my hair into my ice cream but also chilled me to the bone::
R: I love my ice cream.
Z: When we have children, you are NOT taking care of them when they're sick.
R: That is not true. I will be more qualified. I'll be a doctor.
Z: You're NOT more qualified. You're eating ice cream in the freezing cold when you HAVE a cold. You are DEFINITELY not more qualified.
R: That is not true.
Z: If anything I'LL be more qualified!! I'LL have a Ph.D in infectious diseases!!
R: That is not true.
Z: I can't deal with you anymore. Look at you YOUR TEETH ARE CHATTERING!!
R: Th-th-tha-at is n-nn-n--NOT true.
Z: You know? I think I win.

Z: I'm going to take a shower. Don't snoop through my computer.
R: Ok.
I settled down to admire the pair of shoes I wanted from Victoria's Secret. I had just opened the webpage when Zach, who had been strategically poised outside his bedroom door, RUSHED back in, pounced on the bed and said:
Z: WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!
R: I was looking at the shoes I want from Victorias Secret.
Z: Oh.
::Exit Zach::
Until...
Z: (sprints back into the room) NOW what are you doing!?!?!
R: Still looking at the shoes I want from Victorias Secret.
Z: Oh.
::Exit Zach::
R: (lightbulb) (opens gmail)
To: hot guy@imhot.com
Subject: You're hot
Body: My dearest, I've missed you very much since that first time I found out that you were hot. I love how hot you are. You are so good lookin.
Z: (sprints back into the room) HA!! I KNEW YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING.
As Zach skims the e-mail, he looks increasingly disgruntled
. :::Ruchi wins:::
Ruchi: (reading one of those 'i-want-a-boy' bumper stickers) 'I want a boy who will wrestle with me'... well, babe, you definitely do that, and I usually win.. 'who will shove ice cream in my face'... now why is that special? Yeah, well you shove ice cream in my face all the time... 'who will call me at 4 A.M to tell me he can't stop thinking about me'.. um yeah you do that too but just because you can't sleep.. 'who could break my heart but wouldn't dream of it'.. hm... I wonder if you could break my heart. Zach, can you try to break my heart?
Z: Uhh.. why would I want to do that?
R: I want to see if you can!! (Zach is sitting cross-legged on the floor, spooning tofu and chick peas into a bowl)
Z: Um.. okay, babe? I'm.. I'm in love with someon-
::Zach bursts out laughing:: R: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY when you can't even take yourself seriously?? Come on can you PLEASE take this seriously??
{We make our way downstairs to the microwave)
Z: Okay, babe.. last night at Aisha's, we- ::a look of disgust settles on his face:: I'm sorry.. I really can't finish that sentance.
R: Come on, keep trying. I BELIEVE IN YOU
Z: Um.. the only reason I'm with you is for your moms food.
R: (impatient sigh) I ALREADY know that. Come ON!!
Z: Babe, this is STUPID!!
(We make our way back upstairs, with him already eating his food)
R: Zach come on you're not even trying. (lightbulb)
(I grab his food away from him, as he looks annoyed and shocked)
R: You're not getting this back unless you break my heart.
Z: Ruchi, if you don't give me that back, I am going to pulverize you. I am going to beat you senseless. R: You know? Not threatened.
(Zach tickles me, and I lose and hand the food back. I guess he really just wouldn't dream of it.)

R: (As we walk into the SAC) You know... I've gotten so fat and gross.
Z: You can be my B.B.W.
R: What's that?
Z: Guess.
R: Umm.. big buttwing?
Z: ..Uhh.. no...
R: Brown buttwings?
Z: ....No.
R: Bitty buttwings?
Z: (loses patience) NO BUTTWINGS!!
[Several onlookers glance our way curiously.]
[For all you curious ones, it stood for big beautiful woman]

[Zach and I were sitting cross-legged on his couch with his grandpa, watching a Mel Brooks movie, and I was munching on a carrot. All of a sudden, I felt the crunch from deep within my mouth rather than heard it, and also tasted cold metal and what I now know was dried glue.]
R: Umm... Zach?
Z: Sshh.
R: Zach... umm.. I think I just bit off my permanent retainer and now there's a wire poking into the roof of my mouth...
Z: Uh-oh.
[We frantically debate over using a wire cutter which would ultimately just create another sharp edge. I came to the conclusion to rip it off entirely, so I bit down on the carrot again. This resulted in half of my permanent retainer dangling out of my mouth, and it was all done with me trying desparately to be quiet so that his grandpa wouldn't see that I had half a retainer hanging out of my lips. Zach, in one fell swoop, ripped the rest off.]
Later..
[I couldn't stop picking at my teeth because it didn't rip off entirely.
Z: Ruchi STOP that. If you don't stop I'm calling your mom.
R: I don't CARE. [I didn't think he would.]
Z: ::calls my mom:: 'Hi Manjula.. Ruchi had an accident?... Oh, no not that kind of an accident... no she's fine.. no, she's fine, see she bit a carrot and her permanent retainer came off... yeah, she wasn't in a car accident... yeah, she's fine.'
[He hands the phone to me with my frantic mother on the other end. I win by default.]

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:48:20 GMT

AWWW from a few weeks ago. The cat lovers on my f-page are gonna love it.

Umm hello who r u? SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF

Oh hi who r U?? R u doing stuff??

Oh u R doing stuff. TOO BAD

Kitty doesn't like orgo KITTY WANTS ATTENTION

SMASH SMASH SMASH

Umm k my master plan isn't working wut to do?

Ahh yes I know. VICTORY IS MINE!!